The Gap

Or, from a chronological standpoint, Easter #2.

Actual Easter came just after Mike's parents left, and the reality that Tayler was right back to the fussiness had set it.  I'm a "just do it" kind of a gal, and wasn't feeling too great about pretty much anything.  In fact, I was having a bad, negative kind of a day.  All that kept running through my mind was that I'd fallen short in everything.

This was also the time that things were a definite go with Omaha.  And, looking into the upcoming months, I was a bit bummed out.  I knew the amount of work that was needed to make it all happen, and I wasn't feeling up for it.  I just felt tired.  TIRED.


And, here's where THE GAP came in.  What was the gap?  My husband, kids, and a huge feeling from our Savior, that I'm not in this alone.  I just need to see things a little differently.  Here's how it went:

THE NEGATIVE: Getting dressed, I realized that while I wanted to wear the handful of skirts in my closet, I was still stuck with 1.  Because it was the only one that fit.  Frustrated that I was still wearing the same one skirt again, I was grouchy.

THE GAP: Alexis danced into the room just after I got dressed and told me she had a secret.  She then whispered "you're so pretty."  It was me that needed a change, not the skirt, and the realization that really?  is this really something to be so grouchy about?

THE NEGATIVE:  In a rush of getting everyone out the door, I forgot any type of writing utensil for the kids.  Who love to draw during church.

THE GAP:  Rounded up a couple pens during the car ride, and Max with excitement said, "wow!  a special pen day!"

THE NEGATIVE:  Post church, I really wanted to have a good dinner for everyone.  Meals had been such a thrown together-grab-whatever-is-quick-and-easy for so long, that I really wanted to put a little more into it.  We went with steaks.  But I didn't check that we actually had steaks until just before we were ready to grill them.  And, we didn't have enough.  So, we threw some hot dogs on the grill.  I was so bugged.

THE GAP:  Kids came to the table and Max said "wow!  we have so many choices for dinner tonight!  this is great!"

THE NEGATIVE:  Feeling so alone at this new task of mom.  Juggling three kids, unable to keep up with everything and all the moving pieces.

THE GAP:  Sitting in church, and feeling the power of love, gratitude, appreciation, you name it.  So strongly that it brought tears to my eyes.  Reminded that I needed to focus on what matters most (or what matters at all!), and breath a little.  Enjoy things for what they really are. 

I personally think that when we have a big stress or a big change coming our way, that a natural coping mechanism is to turn every little thing into a stress or obstacle when it really doesn't need to be.  I think it's hard when you are in it to see it all, but hugely obvious from an outsider, or from you when you look at things with a different perspective.

Can't say thanks enough to all those who helped me see that perspective differently.  And got me back on track.