The Shower

It was dang hard getting Max to school those first few weeks.  Dang hard to be his cheerleader all morning, convincing him to just keep trying.  That he'd only feel alone for a tiny bit.  That we'd meet more people and friends soon, and to hang in there.  Super tough to hear him say his biggest worries were lunch and recess because he just sat there alone, or stood outside staring at everyone who already knew each other.  Probably so tough to listen to, because all of this stress and turmoil was completely caused by yours truly and my other half.

I feel like he and I hit our rock bottom when he hid in the shower before school one morning.  Hopeful that if he just hid it would all go away.  Haven't we all felt like that at some point?

Everything just rocked that guys world.  He is such a routine guy (hmmm...wonder where he gets that  from!), and everything about this new school seemed different to him.  Of course, so much of it is actually the same, but hey, when you want to see differences, you will.  When you want to see similarities, you will.

So it took some time.  And, since I knew we'd pretty much hit bottom, I knew there was nowhere to go but up.  What we decided to do from there is what really mattered the most.

We had fun.  Daily icee rewards for a happy guy.  Daily goals to step out and say hi to someone.  To talk to somebody new.  To play in a different part of the playground to keep meeting more friends.  Countless little goals.  Daily role playing.  Daily same and difference comparisons (I remember even being a little over the top at the grocery store one day.  We were pointing out all the things that were same and different.  "Hey Max!  This store puts bananas in a different place than we've seen.  Isn't that a great spot for them to go?  And even though we had to find them a different way, it's still a banana!"  Yeah.  We did it all.).  Lots of fun time with mom and the girls when he was home.  Fun one on one time with me or Mike.  Play dates with his new friends.  Lots of stories from the scriptures of all those people full of courage and bravery.  And lots of prayers.  Lots.

But it all clicked.  Little by little.  One step at a time we were able to spread out those daily icee's to Fridays.  Then they phased out.  No more cheerleading to get him to go.  Back to his usual morning jobs and routine before school.

And then, I found myself looking around one morning and we had evolved into our new normal.

Happy Max was confident, excited to go to school.  Had friends to play with.  Felt comfortable in his own skin.

Just as I can't really describe the challenge it is to watch your child go through the emotions of frustration, anxiety and loneliness, I can't really describe the fulfilling warmth in my heart to hear him say something like this:

Max:  "Hey mom.  I really like it here."
Me: "Oh yeah?  How come?
Max:  "You know, I really like my school.  It's so cool.  And fun." Pause.  "Think I can go to that same school next year?"
Me:  I chuckle at this question.  Not the typical thought for a typical 6 year old.  Most kids don't even think about that one.  But, for Max, that is completely normal.  He's been to a different school for every year so far.  Preschools were in two different states (one in Utah, one in MN), then started off as a kindergartner in MN, and now he's doing first grade in Nebraska.  So, I said,
"Buddy, that's a great question.  And we're planning on it."
Max:  The biggest grin around.

So fulfilling that I'm blessing him with this amazing perspective of change.  How lucky he is to already understand change as a 6 year old - I love to hear him talk about memories we made in Utah or Minnesota, and with the same breath, talk about memories he's making right here in Omaha.  How he's able to piece it all together, and recognize that while things are different, so many things are the same. And the things that are different are okay, and still work.

While I try to write how grateful I am for this experience, I still find it tough to put into words.

I think hitting those bottoms, those times where we just want to hide and keep ourselves from experiencing the discomfort of whatever it is that we are in, is tough.  How we get out of those bottoms though - that is how we become who we are.  I'm so grateful that we are in this journey together. I love that we are back in business, cruising along in comfortable.  But more important than just being comfortable, I'm super grateful with how we got here.