What I've learned from choosing joy

“It’s the accumulation of experiences, not things, that create your identity.”

I read somewhere that the happiest people choose experiences over things. It seems much of who we are is because of what we do, not what we have.

This month, the FOCUS is “Trust Joy.” As it is also the month of December, I chose to mindfully shift toward the joy of experiences. This mindset has simplified the Christmas season. It enabled me to focus on what traditions matter most and what experiences feel joyful and how those can ultimately bring us closer to Christ.

While a family trip was a larger ‘experience’ this month, many moments (even those on the trip) happened in the most ordinary ways. Reading books together. Family dinner. Those minutes just prior to bedtime (when I naturally put on my grouchy hat and instead practiced ‘trusting joy’ at bedtime).

Interestingly, the moments I learned the most from weren’t joyful at all when they happened. Those moments reminded me that no matter the experience, I can choose my reaction. I can live with more empathy. Listen with more understanding. Apologize. Breathe a little more and let go of my grudges or knee-jerk reactions. I still have a long ways to go, but allowing myself to recognize those moments that felt ‘negative’ at first and not discount them, or pick them apart for whatever reason, but instead move toward joy has been a growing process.

“Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.” – Brené Brown

Looking at a frozen waterfall in sub-zero temps was a small example where I could choose my reaction. Because of many factors – one kiddo forgot to wear their snow boots, one couldn’t keep her gloves on, we were starving, freezing, and a storm was coming – our time at the waterfall was cut a bit short and we ‘missed out’ from seeing every part of it. My natural self would sit in frustration that it we’d missed a possibly bigger experience and would self-talk the belief that no one had a good experience because it wasn’t perfect. Anyone else do this?

Instead, I label this moment a ‘small win.’ I embraced and trusted what we were able to see and do. We laughed, joked about ‘mom’s crazy idea to see a frozen waterfall in freezing temps’, took a bunch of photos, and Mike and I shared some (brief) memories of our time at Minnehaha Falls in warmer temps. And then we all ran back to the car. And that was…enough. That felt like joy.

I’ve thought about this moment, and others, this month. How have they gone from me overthinking a situation/picking apart everything wrong to small wins where I’m remembering joy?

Three things I’ve practiced:

• I become aware of my thoughts. I believe that’s what mindfulness is – awareness. Often, this happens through taking a breath.
• I choose a FOCUS. I’ve been practicing on a phrase to focus on all month long – TRUST JOY has been it for December. It reminds me what I want to focus on, how I want to react, and what I want to grow toward.
• I take action toward the focus. This is very small. Maybe I laugh at the situation. Or smile. Or give a compliment. Or say thank you.

I have a long ways to go. And joyfully, that’s completely okay.

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

This frozen waterfall is majestic! When going to Minnehaha Falls in Minneapolis, MN on a cold (sub-zero) day like we did:

• Dress for the weather
• Parking meter spots are close by
• Take photos at the beginning – before your hands or camera freeze!