Sometimes the experiences we sign up for aren’t always about the experience itself. Sometimes opportunities to learn, grow, strengthen and connect happen in moments we would least expect.
Our daughter has been looking forward to track season for an entire year. She has ran (literally) into every practice with enthusiasm and has been looking forward to her first track meet. But, even with her personal preparation, circumstances out of her control have kept her from running the race she wants to run most at the track meets so far.
Last night, realizing this would be the second time of missing out, she was so disappointed. Bummed. Frustrated. Wondering why she even started.
As her mother, I feel my heartstrings pull wanting to ‘fix something’ to take away those little pains. My natural self wants to create a solution to help alleviate suffering. But, I seem to learn most in experiences like this when I step back from the natural self and allow myself to listen.
Let her be.
Let her feel what disappointment is (and call it what it is) so she learns what it feels like. Share a time when I felt disappointment at her age. And remind my natural self that it is absolutely okay to create space to simply let her be.
The hope, as they feel and sometimes sit in disappointment (or other emotions) in small ways, is they can learn how to sit in and then move through these emotions when much bigger things come their way.
As I was creating space for her tears to flow, I prayed – to know what to say (and what not to say). I prayed that I wouldn’t let my want of comforting her overpower where true comfort comes for all of us.
As I realized my role at that current time was to ‘let her be’ a small, clear thought came to mind “take her to the track in the early morning.”
After tears, a family dinner and some laughter from high’s/low’s of the day, there was a natural moment to suggest an early morning track run. Immediately upon seeing this natural moment, a loud voice in my head said “she’d never want to wake up early to run. Just wait and let her go to practice with everyone else.”
But guess what? I ignored the loud voice and made the suggestion.
She lit up. Excited! Her spark was back.
I know I’ll look back someday – I’ll probably remember track meets, that we sat on the bleachers a lot, and she was excited to run. I’ll probably forget finish times, who ran what event, how many practices we attended and the work it was to get everyone there (well, actually, I’ll probably remember that last one).
But this I know…I KNOW I’ll remember the morning we woke up and ran together. How her brother jumped in for support and with high-energy excitement. How they raced to get to bed so they’d wake up. I’ll remember the morning we saw the sunrise on the track. The morning we pushed ourselves and each other to do something we didn’t know we could do. The morning I was a goof in the car – where their reactions danced between laughter and complete embarrassment.
Those are the moments I know I will cherish. It seems the less and less I label experiences as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ the more and more I surrender expected outcomes, and can enjoy what is.
I want to remember what was. Not what didn’t happen. Those moments are often simple. They often take a little stretch for me to step outside of my planned routine or expected outcome. But, oh, how they are beautiful. And that, is a journey I’m grateful for.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
– E.M. Forster
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