The beginnning

While vacation was a terrific distraction from our last week with Kermit, I was a bit shocked at how coming back would be so difficult.  I had no idea I would grieve the loss of him so badly.  But, it was really tough to get back at the routine of life and not have my shadow with me.  Sounds crazy, coming from a house with three kids in it, but it was dreadfully quiet and I felt so lonely in so many ways.

From our morning "wake up the kids" routine, to little jobs like doing the dishes (where he'd stay right by me), or pulling out the vacuum (he'd run along with me from room to room), I couldn't believe how many triggers I had of him all day long.  

And, it was tough to see the kids.   Max especially struggled that first week back when he would come home from school.  It'd been there thing to play tug of war (almost) every day after school, and he really missed the energy from Kermit.   One night, he wrote a list of all the things he loved about Kermit.  It helped him a ton to focus on the positive.

Alexis grieved a bit differently, and it all hit her a bit later.  The sweet thing would just melt at different times during the day, saying how much she missed having kermit around.  After a really rough week, I found a picture of a dog and told her to color it and think of all the happy memories she had of him.  She worked so hard on it, and picked our pantry door as the place it should hang.  And it's still there.

Some things do just take time.  There was no quick fix for us (or me), but I did have to consciously decide to focus on all the good that he'd brought to our family, and (try) to separate myself from all the sadness I felt along the way.  After going through the seemingly endless lists of "firsts" without him, I felt more capable to retrain my mind to focus on something positive when sadness crept in.  

Even now, months later, I still have moments where I just miss the little guy.  But, we experience changes and tough things for so many reasons.  And I really believe that things happen they way and in the timing that they should.