Creating Family Dinner in 3 Ways

During the late afternoon to evening window I do one thing with complete consistency:

I pray.

And try to breathe.

Emotions bounce between my excited, energetic school-age kiddos and my little ones who pull at my legs and fiercely want all my attention. Throw in car time for after school activities, and it's a whirlwind of chaos. I often pray the heavens will open and remind my children that while there are four of them, there is only one of me. And as I focus on math or spelling with one kiddo, that I'll react patiently when my toddler dumps out all of the toys in the entire house. Or while I'm cleaning up my toddler and her mess, that I'll listen to my seven year old share her favorite story from recess. Or while I'm having my older kiddos do their 'jobs' for each day, that I'll remember they are still learning the process. While it would be so much faster and easier to do myself, enabling them to learn is important to me (one goal I have as a mother is to teach them to be self-sufficient and independent human beings - much easier said than done).

Most of all, prayer and breathing remind me to mindfully focus on the now. Embrace today and all the learning and growing that comes with it. Eliminate my "to dos" to be more open and available to really listen. EnJOY time with them.

At some point during this window, we eat dinner. Part of me imagines dinner a little like a Norman Rockwell painting where we relax, eat and enjoyably wind down together. More often than not, dinner is full of spills, disagreements on who's sitting where, food-eating protests and opinions of all kinds.

In lieu of throwing in the towel, I feel a deep responsibility to continue family dinners. Even if they aren't perfect or tidy (thank goodness for vacuums!).

Because I recognize the value within family dinner. Studies over the past 15 years have shown that family dinner is good for the spirit, mind and overall health of all family members. Regular family dinners are linked with lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy and depression. And I love hearing that stories told around dinner help kiddos build resilience.* With consistency and time, these small and simple efforts really do add up.

A few years ago, as my oldest was a little guy, I learned that dinner as a mother is very different from previous dinners I'd had in life. Feeding a little person while trying to feed yourself resulted in a learning curve, a new perspective, and many cold meals. I began to dig deep as to how I wanted our family dinner to look. What could I create in our home to establish consistency?

1. Simplify with a plan. Eliminate the daily question of "what's for dinner?" by planning dinners ahead. I prefer a weekly plan as I've found our schedule seems to tweak and change on a weekly basis. I plan on Sunday, with a list ready for shopping on Monday. It saves money and time with less trips to the store and avoids the last minute panic. I'm able to plug in the crock-pot or quick dinners with hectic nights, and pre-prep foods to simplify dinner for another night.
2. Be consistent. I've found phrases like "a little or a lot" help give kiddos freedom while still eating something. Consistently cooking one meal for the whole family (rather than having different menus) simplifies prep, clean up and teaches my kiddos about variety. Consistently including a variety of real foods enables them to learn how to fuel their bodies. Especially with veggies. I read once it takes between 8-20 times for a child to be offered a specific food before they actually choose the food. That's crazy! Consistently involving the kiddos they are usually more appreciative and willing to actually eat dinner. They set and clear off the table, rotate choosing a meal for the week, and my older ones help with food prep. Sharing the work load lessens the burden.
3. Relax. Paper plates or a picnic outside can be so fun. Theme nights are a favorite - a fun fact from different areas of the world as we try a new food (I have curry and sushi lovers from this), tying them in with days of the week (taco tuesday!), or creating an at-home restaurant.

As much as I want my kiddos to learn that fueling our bodies with good foods is important, I want them to learn MOST that FAMILY is important. That our time with them is something we treat as a priority, not a stress, or another thing to do because we are hungry.

*research information from the familydinnerproject.org