Mom Life: Tackling Transitions in 10 Steps

Appointments. School. Work. Groceries. Or maybe it's just heading to the library to return some books. Transitions. These 10 steps help this sneaker momma stay a little more sane.

If I had to pick a phrase that fit my natural self for moments like these, it'd be:

"Let's get the show on the road."

Not the best fit as a momma with young kiddos.

When my oldest two were four and two, I was in a hurry. Ironically headed out to teach a yoga class. Shoes, bathrooms, water, socks feeling funny, wanting to bring a toy in the car, it felt so complicated to do something so simple. When my oldest was finally starting to buckle, I snapped:

“Dude, let’s GO! I need to leave! Just hurry and buckle it!”

The wise little guy looked up and said, “mom, why are you so different when it’s time to go somewhere? We are here now. What is the hurry?”

I was speechless.

Listening to his words changed me. Why was I always creating a 'hurry?'

As I taught class, I saw my participants with new eyes. They were so unique as they transitioned from one pose to another. Although I cued the same movement for everyone, some were fast, looking forward to the next official pose. Others were deliberate and intentional. While slower, they treated each moment with as much importance as the next.

Stepping off my mat, I reflected. Was I powering through something simply to get to the next place? Was I missing out on what was right in front of me? How could I change?

I wanted to learn how to strip off the 'rushed anxious natural self' let go of the 'frazzled overwhelmed self' and to treat moments more mindfully.

That can be tough. And after many failed attempts, and forgotten items (thankfully still remembered the kids!), I’ve found these steps helpful:

1. Allow for extra time. A cushion enables me to observe rather than push. Gives kiddos an opportunity to do something for themselves rather than me doing it for them simply because I can do it faster.
2. Let them to do things for themselves. Time is needed (see #1). And depending on the personal development of the kiddo, this will vary by age. Self-preparation teaches responsibility. Packing bags, zipping zippers, tying shoes, buckling - loads of 'can dos.'
3. Breathe and pause. Sounds simple, but 3 seconds of a deep inhale and exhale is a game changer for me. At the very least, I am more self aware of WHAT I am saying, HOW I am saying it, and WHY.
4. Be grateful. I’ll never forget a wise mom who probably felt my anxiety as I waited for my four year old to tie his own shoes. Everyone else was ready to go, and my guy was taking his time – jumping, singing songs – putting on shoes was a side show to the main event. Anxious, I apologized for his behavior when her calm response changed me completely: “Isn’t it wonderful that he has the ability to do that for himself?” Instead of looking through the lens of what isn’t happening, shifting to a focus of gratitude truly softens my manner and heart.
5. Tidy before leaving. Walking in the door to a big mess after being out is a stress trigger for me. Pocketing an extra :10 minutes before leaving to clean up – even if it’s just tidying up the countertops or family room – make wonders mentally when coming home.
6. Allow kiddos to forget. This can be tough. But, part of teaching responsibility is allowing them to learn from forgetfulness. In some cases, they only need to forget once. In other instances, they become a little more resourceful through solving with a plan B.
7. Prep with expectation. Create a timeframe and break it down. Give younger ones reminders to use the potty. At home, I started the "you can go now or in 5 minutes" to avoid the public bathroom experience, unless of course it’s a curious kiddo who wants to see the color of soap at every bathroom, then any reminders are helpless, and focusing on #3 and #4 are best. Headed to soccer practice? Ask open-ended questions (“What do you need at practice?”) rather than commands (“Go get your soccer ball and water bottle.”) enables kiddos to learn and think for themselves. Some kiddos benefit more from direct questions to help their minds break down steps that need to happen before leaving. Prepping with expectation also helps after doing something fun. “5 more minutes at the park” gives little ones a sense of control to wrap up their favorite things before leaving.
8. Give items a consistent "home." Yes, having a place for shoes and soccer cleats makes them much easier to find when it’s time to go. But car keys? I was the master at misplacing them every single day until I realized they needed a home. Life changing.
9. Prep for the next trip as soon as you get home. Still working on this, but it's helpful when I do it! Used the last diaper? Put a new one in the bag right away. Notice something needed a change in the church bag? Swap it out before putting it away for the week. It saves from scrambling at the last minute.
10. Be kind and help each other out. Turns out we aren’t robots, and that’s a good thing. All routines and systems will have off days. We all seem to forget something important at some point, and thank goodness for reminders and help. Everyone has a unique learning curve. Recognizing we’re all on this journey together and showing some love, patience and empathy go a long way.

While it's great to read a list and (hopefully) spark ideas, if I try to tackle all ten items at once, it feels overwhelming! I've found the most success focusing on 1-2 ideas at a time, then building and tweaking from there.

Mindfully focusing on transitions helps me to be more present and a better listener. Better able to observe quiet promptings. To look upward and outward a little more. And usually able to make it out the door with matching shoes (just don't look at my socks).