Life

It's amazing to look back and see how quickly things can change globally. What began as "something tragic happening across the globe" transitioned into "something tragic happening here." It brings up so many emotions. As I'm writing this well into the COVID-19 pandemic, I wanted to record a snapshot of what "life" looks like now.

SCHOOL

School quickly evolved from cancelling for two days to clean the buildings, to online schooling for two weeks, to online schooling for a month, to online schooling for the rest of the year.

Our first week was rocky. If I were to sum it up in one word, overwhelm would totally cover it. Trying to juggle the explosion of emails, the variety of online programs and log-ins felt like my brain was ready to explode. But as with all things, each step got a little easier, and as the schools adjusted the workloads and streamlined so much of the teaching, we found a flow that has been working well. But gosh, that first week was pretty crazy.

That first week I quickly realized I'd need to supplement significantly. With the libraries closed, it wasn't long before the kiddos had drained all of our books, so Easter timed well with some new books for each kiddo. And, we figured it was an opportunity to "seize the day" and ordered a handful of math manipulatives, restocked on some art supplies and ordered something I've wanted for ages - a microscope! It's been fulfilling from my role, to not simply cross off their online learning for the day, but to spend a short amount of time together learning and doing something intentional. We've done collages, mosaics, watercolors, microscope discoveries, yoga, writing prompts, virtual tours of places, cooking, Petri dishes and science experiments like the pepper/water/dish soap to learn about germs. In many ways, it's been our "cheetah school" again but with the whole crew together. And we spend lots of time outside! Basketball, bike rides, golfing, bubbles, building fairy houses, sidewalk chalk (when we can find it!) and teaching Vern how to play fetch!

We've had some super thoughtful teachers as well. Mailing handwritten notes and sending messages through email and Marco Polo and chatting on FaceTime. Abby's kindergarten teachers even dropped by one day with treats and a wave!

And while school in this way is something we never expected, I am so grateful for the time I've had to teach each kiddo in this way.

WORK

Mike's been tasked with working from home during this time and played around with some spots in the house until he settled in the master bedroom for the bulk of work and then popping outdoors when possible for calls. He's been a rockstar with the juggle and transition and we've been so grateful to see him for lunch, or for little windows of time here and there. While we know he'll be getting back to the office the middle of May, we are SO grateful for this added time we've been able to spend together.

HOME

As it turns out, having all six folks at home all the time (and one puppy) has definitely made for a lot more messes, a lot more food, lots more dishes and lots more of everything. But everyone has been awesome at stepping up and helping with the extra work (well, except for when they don't!).

CHURCH

We just wrapped up our 8th week of "church at home." We've found a rhythm that's working for us, and we've really loved the simplicity. While it's ever evolving - this week was the first week we actually split the kids into two groups - one for "primary" and one for YM/YW, rather than keeping everyone together the whole time - we're learning and growing with the process. We sure do miss seeing those faces of friends and growing from the light and strength of others, but we are so grateful for the guidance and direction of President Nelson who truly prepared us for a time such as this. We are so grateful for his direction and how it has impacted our family - not only on Sundays, but each day of the week with the Come Follow Me program. Some moments are small and woven in a whole bunch of crazy, but they are there.

VERN

Countless times, I've thought how much of a gift Vern has been for all of us. He wakes up joyful, excited and so full of excitement in each day. When we picked him up the middle of February, we had no idea that we'd get to spend so much time with him and it's been amazing to see him really connect with each one of us, and get all the puppy play time imaginable. He's been a light, a comfort and a clear friend, especially when any one of the kids is having a hard day.

SHOPPING

In the beginning, it was interesting to observe the community reactions to the initial phases of the process. It's hard to describe how eerie it was taking those trips to the stores and seeing inventory completely depleted, signs up on limits, and people walking with panic in their faces. Fascinating to see what went first - toilet paper (ha!), paper towels, all types of soaps, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, oatmeal, rice and over the counter medications were the first to go. Then it rolled into other areas - canned foods, bread, any type of packaged pasta, meats, milk (!), eggs, flour, yeast. Shelves completely empty. Lines to get into stores. I remember looking around Costco and for the first time seeing the bulk of their upper shelves empty, and section after section just empty or with only a pallet of product. Going from a safety net of walking into any store pretty much anytime for anything to suddenly standing in lines, choosing from what was available and seeing limits on so many items felt awkward and surreal. Mike and I tag team with who goes to the store, and we online order where possible.

FAMILY TRADITIONS

In some ways, some of our regular traditions have become more frequent and less rushed. FAMILY DINNER every night has been a normal and we haven't had that since the kids were littles. It's been SO wonderful. We love reading questions from the game TABLE TOPICS during the week. Such a fun conversation that breaks up the "what'd you do today?" repeat question. Even with the shelter in place ruling, we maintained our family dinner out. When it was still an option, we'd pick up dinner and eat it at a park, otherwise, we'd bring it home. Last week was the first week in over a month that we've been allowed to eat at a park again, and it was SO WONDERFUL!

CONNECTION

We've been striving to connect with each kiddo in some way one on one each day. It's been simple and short, but there is so much value in even a few minutes of eye contact and time together. We've loved connecting through games, challenges (who can run the hill), puzzles and watching the amazing race series. FaceTiming or zooming with friends and family has been such a gift!

DATES

We've kept our "daily dates" strong - where we bookend the days together. While we've been waking up early together, it's been awesome to have the time to exercise, read scriptures and chat without either one of us on a time clock to buzz out the door. We've spent some time on house projects, most recently staining our back deck and getting some seating for the covered porch, complete with lights! We often wrap up the evenings listening to birds, owls, coyotes (or the occasional bear!). Mike and I have been able to enjoy a weekly Friday night date consistently during this entire thing and it has been the most frequent we've been able to do that in YEARS! Between work, school and church commitments, we seem to always have something somewhere that makes the juggle of dates a once a month occurrence. We have LOVED going out together once a week. And during the shelter in place, we built a little routine of picking up take out, eating it together (in the car for a few weeks!) and pick up "essentials" at a store together. So simple but we love the intentional time together and it's something we both look forward to each week!

SERVICE

We've sought out some intentional service opportunities within our community. It seems that anytime we can step out of our own "space" and step into someone else's, our life feels a little brighter. We reached out to the nursing home we'd visited before, and were able to drop off notes and homemade cards to their door for residents. We joined up with a local Atlanta group for making face masks. The kids were awesome helping to cut and prep the fabric. The sewing was a bit more technical than we'd originally thought, and it took some serious time on the sewing machine, but we were able to finish them and deliver them! We also found a local food bank that was in need of some staple supplies and were able to go drop those off. At first I thought it'd be really hard to find service to do as a family but once we started looking around, the needs were all around. And while we can't control or fix all the hard things happening right now, we hope in some small way to be a drop in the bucket. That a little offering, combined with so many other little offerings adds up to something great.

MINDSET

It's fascinating how much "routines" and "plans" completely shift. Things we "thought" were happening at the first of the year went to being postponed and then went to being cancelled. Fascinating to see how the mind processes what we thought the future would look like to stepping more fully into embracing the present moment for what it is. Interesting too to make "plans" in this season. Everything seems a bit like a plan A (go to do the thing) or plan B (stay home) which hasn't been something we've juggled before. But I believe we're learning a lot about flexibility and hope. And so much gratitude for our health, which really is what all of this is about anyway - not only for our family for for (hopefully) helping other families stay healthy as well. Overall, we feel really grateful for this time. While I won't write all of the details of the struggles, they've been there. Hard things have come up, disappointments, fears, uncertainties and anxieties. But, we keep taking the next breath and settling into the next step. We trust God's hand in all things. And that's okay. And there have been some amazing moments. Ones that I know I will hold in my mind for this time and season of life of motherhood. We've been able to spend time together in ways that would have been impossible otherwise, and while the reasons for this opportunity are complicated, hard, and heavy, it's our hope to grow the good, keep finding purpose in this place, and remember that God's hand truly is guiding all of us.

 Just before the official "shelter in place" we took the older two to the store so they could see the empty shelves. Crazy.

 First day at Costco as they were setting up a "new normal" for shopping.

 Kiddos sharing their schoolwork with one another! Tayler made a powerpoint on puppies.

 Chasing sticks.

 Reading time

 Castle building during our weekly theme of "fairy tales."

 I never regret planting bulbs! My parents helped me plant these in November along with some Daffodils! They have been so beautiful!!

 Love love the puzzle and game time we've had!

The kiddos have had a blast jump roping

 Abby found a slug at our house and we took it with us on a nature walk so she could give it a new home. She LOVED the whole process.

 This puppy LOVES having them home!!

 Building fairy houses!

 Science experiments - how many coins to make the boat sink?

 Our first 500 piece puzzle together. We've done a few more and have been having a blast doing them!

 Getting exercise on a nature walk together.

 Abby learned how to bike down and up our hill! I told her she had to pass off figure 8s in the driveway, stop and start and maneuver through cones on her "new bike" (we bumped up the kids in their bikes because they've all grown, and Max is actually riding around on my old road bike!). She was determined and worked SO hard every day until she mastered it. Then she was off! She loves being able to join her siblings on the street!

 Yoga time! I took them out on the deck for a yoga class one afternoon which was a bit chaotic - we didn't bring mats and were barefoot and 50% of the kiddos ended up with splinters. Oh well!

 Puppy love.

 More puppy love!

 Two peas in a pod!

 Sisters!

 Hanging out reading together!

 Me as I was finishing up the last steps of staining the deck! It was a ton of work but turned out really nice!

 Sewing masks on a rainy day in the basement!

Dying Easter eggs! Such a relief to do this out on the GRASS!

 Alexis built this fun and creative reading robot. When you turn it around there's a spot to hold books. Tayler and Abby have loved putting their books in the robot!

 Max joined me for an early morning run. And shortly after, Alexis joined me for a run - I didn't get a picture of it, but it was so awesome to spend this time with each of them!

 We took Vern out on his first walk! He was crazy.

 She ADORES him.

 And so does she! Well, they all do!

 Backyard tag and games (with a newly stained deck in the background!).

 These two have had so much fun together. During Vern's first month with us, Mike traveled a huge portion of it, and hadn't had the chance to really spend time with him. It's been so fun seeing these two. They are buds!

 Our annual "pot painting" tradition continues!

 Planted them with seeds and ready to see how they grow!

 A typical morning of school work together. A picture I never thought we'd see happening, but so GRATEFUL for this.

 Bikes and basketball.

 Abby has been determined to learn basketball with Max. She's been amazing at it and he's been a rockstar teacher. Max has even gotten the girls to all play 2:2 basketball together. It's been so fun.

 Vern loves these kiddos. This is a typical shot of him - looking at all of them to see what's happening next.

 Piano lessons with the girls! Alexis is missing in this photo, but gosh I love this view as their mom and teacher!

 First time eating at a park in over a month! We were so excited the shelter in place lifted for our weekly dinner out as a family. It was so sweet to see the excitement of getting to eat at a park together!

Mike and I put this trampoline together and the kids are loving it. It was a beast to put together, but the kids love it!

2020 Intention

I’ve set a word of intention the last few years and have found it a way to cultivate and grow in everyday life. Looking back it’s been interesting to see how the focus has applied to things both big and small.

A list of the past few years:

2013 - enough (it was a year of being more intentional with consuming things - and I wasn’t familiar with the word minimalism yet!)

2014 - order (from this scripture)

2015 - gratitude 

2016 - mindful

2017 - light 

2018 - connection

2019 - listen

I tried on a couple words before settling in on the one for this year. And while I don’t believe there is a “right” or “wrong” word, it’s been my experience that as we ask God, He nudges us right where we need to go. Sometimes those nudges take time, and as I weathered through the process this year, I knew I’d settled on the “right” word for me because when I pondered the word, my heart felt a little lighter, a little stir of excitement and thoughts trickled in throughout the week with ideas of how to apply it in everyday life. 

So, the word for me this year is...

Whether it’s creating space in my mind, creating order in our home, creating moments and memories with the family, studying “create” in the scriptures the opportunities to apply this are both big and small. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to grow with this one! 

A Pause Between Pages

A new chapter begins. New state, new home, new community and new schools. Our oldest begins his last year of middle school while our youngest begins her first year of Kindergarten. The first day of school, they awoke excited yet nervous. Confident yet doubtful. Calm yet anxious.

Or maybe those were my emotions.

Because as I watched our kindergartener boldly step into her classroom, held the hand of our second grader as she asked bubbled with energy, saw our fifth grader courageously step into her classroom with a smile, and chatted with our eighth grader on his way to school, the moments filled me with reminders of their strength, their light, their courage.

They are there and I am home. It is quiet. It is still. As this new chapter begins for our family, I find myself taking a moment to pause between the pages. Drinking deeply the moments of the past. Of exploring and discovering. Of letting go and trusting. Of embracing and connecting. There is so much to be grateful for.

The light of those moments travel through me like the warmth of the sun on my skin on a hot summer day. Closing the eyes for just a moment to see, hear and relive them as they imprint on the mind and heart.

Between the pages, I find moments of vulnerability. As with all change, what encompasses the next chapter is new and undiscovered. Yet, if I truly look back at our story, I see two themes carried throughout every page.

Faith and courage.

Pausing for a moment to breathe them in deeply, I remember. How they speak to my Spirit, open my heart and soften my rough edges. They are continual teachers as we travel as students of life. I remember. There is nothing to fear, nothing to hold back from.

I am ready.

The next chapter awaits.

The In-Between

Whew. I write sitting on a hotel bed. We're a solid week into our hotel-transition time. Gratefully, with just one more week, I'll be writing from our new home.

Pausing in these somewhat awkward days, where the kids and I seem to have flown from a rhythm of life into an abrupt halt, I find the feelings of unfamiliar somewhat familiar. This isn't our first time sitting in the space of the in-between, yet instead of the restlessness I typically find myself in, I find myself practicing more awareness. It's interesting to have pauses like these in life. Where there is almost a tangible hold between what was and what is going to be. It has opened my heart to look back with so much gratitude, to look forward with an abundance of faith, and to sit in the now, holding space for what is right in front of us.

There is so much power in the now, if I choose to access it. Yet, like in all things, the in-between is full of choice. To choose to sit in discomfort and bury it, anxious, resistant and frustrated in the slow motion of the days, or to see discomfort for the fluid opportunity it presents. Because discomfort is what creates growth. And I am all in for growth. Yet, I am human. And find myself dancing between both places throughout each day, soaking in the moments that warm my heart and take away the sting of loneliness that creeps in these times of unknowns. Because the more I look around, the more I see the people surrounding me. Full of love, light, and above all, hope. And I can hold hope with them. I may not have all the answers. But I can hold space for hope. That while we don't know what life will look like in our next chapter, and while we longingly look for the comfort of our last chapter, we find ourselves bookmarked. Relishing in the memories and experiences that formed exactly how they needed to, yet unable to move into the next part of the story. The smell of the pages from the well-worn book remind us of the beauty that life has to offer us if we are willing to be patient. To be open to receive what it is we are meant to discover.

As I find pockets of stillness where I'm feeling my feet where they are standing, I soften. The crinkled muscles between my eyebrows relax and the tension in my shoulders releases. I begin to see the joy that truly surrounds us.

The laughter of Abigail telling us how amazing she thinks the hotel is.
The kids excitement for the hotel breakfast menu. Trying new foods because they can.
Showing up at a park, and playing together for hours. Max inventing a Percy Jackson tag that the girls giggle to play with him. Creating obstacle courses with them.
Abigail catching a frog, picking up worms and looking for insects at every moment. Some stop to smell the roses. She stops to catch the bugs.
Alexis swimming in the cold pool the most because she loves a good competition.
Alexis' smile as she discovers new ways to cross the monkey bars. Backwards, skipping two, and skipping two backwards.
Tayler's laugh. In the car. At the park.
Tayler making a new friend at every park we go to. Smiling and welcoming anyone to join her.
Max playing pick-up ball with no fear about being the youngest.
Tayler's excitement to do her summer workbook each morning.
Card games on the park table under the shade of the giant trees.

As I get out of my own head long enough to observe moments like these, I find myself listening so much more. Seeing where they are processing this journey in their own individual ways, and seeing how they choose to respond. They teach so much. Courage, resilience, grit, joy all surround abundantly. Turns out the in-between is full of the unexpected. Turns out the in-between is exactly where I'm growing. Turns out the in-between really is a lesson in being present with life enough to realize that's where life is.

Sunday Thoughts: Behold Your Little Ones

This morning, as I was reading the words of Christ in the scriptures, I read the phrase "Behold Your Little Ones." And couldn't help but feel like my heart was about to explode. A handful of experiences over these last few weeks have reminded me over and over that these little ones are so capable. Their light is so needed in this world. And as much as I think they need things a certain way, I often learn how much more they can handle, how ready they are to be stretched, and how they truly know how to serve and connect with others. 

One of those moments happened a few Sunday mornings ago.

I could hear her footsteps as she came down the stairs. Eager and excited for Sunday, she kept her typical routine of being the first one awake. She entered the kitchen with her beaming smile and energy, ready to take on the day. But first, breakfast.

Since it was the first Sunday of the month, I was fasting, and reminded her that I'd be happy to get her something to eat, but that her older brother and sister had joined the fasting club for the month.

We started Fasting Club when Max was big enough to start learning the principle of fasting - I had read about it from another deliberate mother a few months prior, and recalled it from my mind on a whim one morning as I was grumbling to myself about all the food I needed to get out for the girls, while simultaneously watching a boy who looked about as sad as could be as he entered the kitchen. I didn't want a spirit of sadness surrounding this principle, and realized that both he and I could use a little "fun" in the process. "Bud," I said, "Do you want to be in the Fasting Club with dad and I?" The light in his eyes - excitement, energy and enthusiasm to do something his sisters wouldn't yet be part of was enough to shift his energy from sad to excited. "Yes!" He jumped as he said the words. 

And so it began. I didn't really even know what our "club" was - but soon realized it didn't need much. The "club" has evolved into a handful of simple actions - chatting about fast Sunday and a focus the night before. The morning of, I'll write a note and leave it at the stairs - a simple invitation to join the fasting club - no pressure - but a helpful reminder for them as they typically roll right into breakfast. Sometimes I'll put a specific scripture on there for them to study before getting ready, and sometimes it's more general to let them guide their own study. 

At least with the older two, entrance to the club has began right around the age of 8. I'd love to say we have grand conversations, or that we do special scripture study together, but in reality, most of what we say and do is in-between the hair-styling and car-driving on the way to church. Because in reality, I'm juggling that part solo as Mike is serving in a variety of capacities that use that window of time prior to church. I used to beat myself up that I couldn't seem to "get it together" enough to carve out time just with them to all sit together while the little ones slept or played quietly on their own (ha!), but then I realized that embracing the chaos, flowing with the mornings, giving them opportunities to strengthen their personal spirits, and then circling up together in those pockets that we had was absolutely enough.

Back to the kitchen earlier this month as Tayler came downstairs.

"Mom. I'm ready. I want to join Fasting Club today."

Surprised, I looked at her for a moment, really digesting what she'd just offered up. "You know that means no breakfast, and you wouldn't be eating until later today, right?" 

"Yep. I'm ready."

I'd love to say that in this moment I faithfully agreed with her, believing that she had the capacity to start something "big," but in honesty, I doubted. I paused, hesitated and really thought about maybe pushing her toward eating breakfast and waiting for when she was older and more "capable."

Yet, in that pause, I looked at her. She had so much light in her eyes. This girl was far more capable than was giving her credit for. She knew what she was asking to do. She'd seen it in the examples of her siblings month after month. And this daughter of God was striving. Striving to become something bigger that day. Who was I to take that from her?

So she jumped in. I let her add her signature to the paper at the top of the stairs.

Fast forward to church that morning, when she then leaned over to me and said "mom, I want to go up and bear my testimony today. Think I can do it?"

This surprised me even more than our first request. Typically, this gal is happily coloring while the speakers chat, and on fast Sunday, when members of the congregation voluntarily go up and share their thoughts on Jesus Christ.

Again I paused. Thankfully, I was reminded of the earlier internal conversation, and I again looked into her eyes and saw the eagerness and light.  As much as I wanted to say that she hadn't thought of what to say, or that she wouldn't know what to do, or that she simply wasn't "enough" the thought came to mind: Who am I to take this experience from her?

And so she went. Mike happily went up with her, and helped her get the stool so she'd be tall enough to see over the pulpit.

And then he sat down.

Her face was so full of light, genuine love, and her six-year old eyes had a look of nerves as she saw the congregation for the first time from that perspective. For a moment, I thought she'd smile, freeze up and back away, but she didn't.

With a shake in her voice, she shared sincere genuine truths about Jesus Christ, serving and loving others. 

Tears swelled in my eyes, as my heart was ready to burst.

The Spirit reminded me in these moments that my role as their mother, as much as it is full of directing, guiding, above all it is to NURTURE.

To teach them how to grow on their own.

To let them stretch beyond where they are now.

To create spaces and opportunities for them to dig into their roots, and stand strong in the winds of life.

To nourish them with love, truth and light.

These last few weeks have really reminded me how much I have to learn from them - how much I can "behold" from them - and what the gift of Christmas is truly about.

Day off of school

Monday, the kiddos were off from school, and the weather was fantastic for a trip to the beach! So grateful to embrace "beach days" in this chapter of life together! The ocean was calm and the kiddos were able to swim and look for seashells. We took the opportunity to learn more about why we had the day off - it was for the Jewish holiday, Rash Hashanah, and how we could honor that tradition we knew friends would be celebrating. It was beautiful to chat about amazing traditions of other faiths that surround us. And I was so happy to have a mom day with this crew. We're definitely in the chapter of lots of things happening all over different places, homework, and all kinds of things in-between, so to reconnect and enjoy time at the beach was so wonderful. 

And I can't help but look back on these photos with a big heart. They are all growing so much and share so much friendship with one another. Absolutely, there are arguments, and door slamming moments, but goodness, the connections and moments where they thrive together are ones I hope to keep soaking in with a front row seat. Love this crew and the amazing individuals they are becoming.