Life

It's amazing to look back and see how quickly things can change globally. What began as "something tragic happening across the globe" transitioned into "something tragic happening here." It brings up so many emotions. As I'm writing this well into the COVID-19 pandemic, I wanted to record a snapshot of what "life" looks like now.

SCHOOL

School quickly evolved from cancelling for two days to clean the buildings, to online schooling for two weeks, to online schooling for a month, to online schooling for the rest of the year.

Our first week was rocky. If I were to sum it up in one word, overwhelm would totally cover it. Trying to juggle the explosion of emails, the variety of online programs and log-ins felt like my brain was ready to explode. But as with all things, each step got a little easier, and as the schools adjusted the workloads and streamlined so much of the teaching, we found a flow that has been working well. But gosh, that first week was pretty crazy.

That first week I quickly realized I'd need to supplement significantly. With the libraries closed, it wasn't long before the kiddos had drained all of our books, so Easter timed well with some new books for each kiddo. And, we figured it was an opportunity to "seize the day" and ordered a handful of math manipulatives, restocked on some art supplies and ordered something I've wanted for ages - a microscope! It's been fulfilling from my role, to not simply cross off their online learning for the day, but to spend a short amount of time together learning and doing something intentional. We've done collages, mosaics, watercolors, microscope discoveries, yoga, writing prompts, virtual tours of places, cooking, Petri dishes and science experiments like the pepper/water/dish soap to learn about germs. In many ways, it's been our "cheetah school" again but with the whole crew together. And we spend lots of time outside! Basketball, bike rides, golfing, bubbles, building fairy houses, sidewalk chalk (when we can find it!) and teaching Vern how to play fetch!

We've had some super thoughtful teachers as well. Mailing handwritten notes and sending messages through email and Marco Polo and chatting on FaceTime. Abby's kindergarten teachers even dropped by one day with treats and a wave!

And while school in this way is something we never expected, I am so grateful for the time I've had to teach each kiddo in this way.

WORK

Mike's been tasked with working from home during this time and played around with some spots in the house until he settled in the master bedroom for the bulk of work and then popping outdoors when possible for calls. He's been a rockstar with the juggle and transition and we've been so grateful to see him for lunch, or for little windows of time here and there. While we know he'll be getting back to the office the middle of May, we are SO grateful for this added time we've been able to spend together.

HOME

As it turns out, having all six folks at home all the time (and one puppy) has definitely made for a lot more messes, a lot more food, lots more dishes and lots more of everything. But everyone has been awesome at stepping up and helping with the extra work (well, except for when they don't!).

CHURCH

We just wrapped up our 8th week of "church at home." We've found a rhythm that's working for us, and we've really loved the simplicity. While it's ever evolving - this week was the first week we actually split the kids into two groups - one for "primary" and one for YM/YW, rather than keeping everyone together the whole time - we're learning and growing with the process. We sure do miss seeing those faces of friends and growing from the light and strength of others, but we are so grateful for the guidance and direction of President Nelson who truly prepared us for a time such as this. We are so grateful for his direction and how it has impacted our family - not only on Sundays, but each day of the week with the Come Follow Me program. Some moments are small and woven in a whole bunch of crazy, but they are there.

VERN

Countless times, I've thought how much of a gift Vern has been for all of us. He wakes up joyful, excited and so full of excitement in each day. When we picked him up the middle of February, we had no idea that we'd get to spend so much time with him and it's been amazing to see him really connect with each one of us, and get all the puppy play time imaginable. He's been a light, a comfort and a clear friend, especially when any one of the kids is having a hard day.

SHOPPING

In the beginning, it was interesting to observe the community reactions to the initial phases of the process. It's hard to describe how eerie it was taking those trips to the stores and seeing inventory completely depleted, signs up on limits, and people walking with panic in their faces. Fascinating to see what went first - toilet paper (ha!), paper towels, all types of soaps, disinfectant wipes, hand sanitizer, oatmeal, rice and over the counter medications were the first to go. Then it rolled into other areas - canned foods, bread, any type of packaged pasta, meats, milk (!), eggs, flour, yeast. Shelves completely empty. Lines to get into stores. I remember looking around Costco and for the first time seeing the bulk of their upper shelves empty, and section after section just empty or with only a pallet of product. Going from a safety net of walking into any store pretty much anytime for anything to suddenly standing in lines, choosing from what was available and seeing limits on so many items felt awkward and surreal. Mike and I tag team with who goes to the store, and we online order where possible.

FAMILY TRADITIONS

In some ways, some of our regular traditions have become more frequent and less rushed. FAMILY DINNER every night has been a normal and we haven't had that since the kids were littles. It's been SO wonderful. We love reading questions from the game TABLE TOPICS during the week. Such a fun conversation that breaks up the "what'd you do today?" repeat question. Even with the shelter in place ruling, we maintained our family dinner out. When it was still an option, we'd pick up dinner and eat it at a park, otherwise, we'd bring it home. Last week was the first week in over a month that we've been allowed to eat at a park again, and it was SO WONDERFUL!

CONNECTION

We've been striving to connect with each kiddo in some way one on one each day. It's been simple and short, but there is so much value in even a few minutes of eye contact and time together. We've loved connecting through games, challenges (who can run the hill), puzzles and watching the amazing race series. FaceTiming or zooming with friends and family has been such a gift!

DATES

We've kept our "daily dates" strong - where we bookend the days together. While we've been waking up early together, it's been awesome to have the time to exercise, read scriptures and chat without either one of us on a time clock to buzz out the door. We've spent some time on house projects, most recently staining our back deck and getting some seating for the covered porch, complete with lights! We often wrap up the evenings listening to birds, owls, coyotes (or the occasional bear!). Mike and I have been able to enjoy a weekly Friday night date consistently during this entire thing and it has been the most frequent we've been able to do that in YEARS! Between work, school and church commitments, we seem to always have something somewhere that makes the juggle of dates a once a month occurrence. We have LOVED going out together once a week. And during the shelter in place, we built a little routine of picking up take out, eating it together (in the car for a few weeks!) and pick up "essentials" at a store together. So simple but we love the intentional time together and it's something we both look forward to each week!

SERVICE

We've sought out some intentional service opportunities within our community. It seems that anytime we can step out of our own "space" and step into someone else's, our life feels a little brighter. We reached out to the nursing home we'd visited before, and were able to drop off notes and homemade cards to their door for residents. We joined up with a local Atlanta group for making face masks. The kids were awesome helping to cut and prep the fabric. The sewing was a bit more technical than we'd originally thought, and it took some serious time on the sewing machine, but we were able to finish them and deliver them! We also found a local food bank that was in need of some staple supplies and were able to go drop those off. At first I thought it'd be really hard to find service to do as a family but once we started looking around, the needs were all around. And while we can't control or fix all the hard things happening right now, we hope in some small way to be a drop in the bucket. That a little offering, combined with so many other little offerings adds up to something great.

MINDSET

It's fascinating how much "routines" and "plans" completely shift. Things we "thought" were happening at the first of the year went to being postponed and then went to being cancelled. Fascinating to see how the mind processes what we thought the future would look like to stepping more fully into embracing the present moment for what it is. Interesting too to make "plans" in this season. Everything seems a bit like a plan A (go to do the thing) or plan B (stay home) which hasn't been something we've juggled before. But I believe we're learning a lot about flexibility and hope. And so much gratitude for our health, which really is what all of this is about anyway - not only for our family for for (hopefully) helping other families stay healthy as well. Overall, we feel really grateful for this time. While I won't write all of the details of the struggles, they've been there. Hard things have come up, disappointments, fears, uncertainties and anxieties. But, we keep taking the next breath and settling into the next step. We trust God's hand in all things. And that's okay. And there have been some amazing moments. Ones that I know I will hold in my mind for this time and season of life of motherhood. We've been able to spend time together in ways that would have been impossible otherwise, and while the reasons for this opportunity are complicated, hard, and heavy, it's our hope to grow the good, keep finding purpose in this place, and remember that God's hand truly is guiding all of us.

 Just before the official "shelter in place" we took the older two to the store so they could see the empty shelves. Crazy.

 First day at Costco as they were setting up a "new normal" for shopping.

 Kiddos sharing their schoolwork with one another! Tayler made a powerpoint on puppies.

 Chasing sticks.

 Reading time

 Castle building during our weekly theme of "fairy tales."

 I never regret planting bulbs! My parents helped me plant these in November along with some Daffodils! They have been so beautiful!!

 Love love the puzzle and game time we've had!

The kiddos have had a blast jump roping

 Abby found a slug at our house and we took it with us on a nature walk so she could give it a new home. She LOVED the whole process.

 This puppy LOVES having them home!!

 Building fairy houses!

 Science experiments - how many coins to make the boat sink?

 Our first 500 piece puzzle together. We've done a few more and have been having a blast doing them!

 Getting exercise on a nature walk together.

 Abby learned how to bike down and up our hill! I told her she had to pass off figure 8s in the driveway, stop and start and maneuver through cones on her "new bike" (we bumped up the kids in their bikes because they've all grown, and Max is actually riding around on my old road bike!). She was determined and worked SO hard every day until she mastered it. Then she was off! She loves being able to join her siblings on the street!

 Yoga time! I took them out on the deck for a yoga class one afternoon which was a bit chaotic - we didn't bring mats and were barefoot and 50% of the kiddos ended up with splinters. Oh well!

 Puppy love.

 More puppy love!

 Two peas in a pod!

 Sisters!

 Hanging out reading together!

 Me as I was finishing up the last steps of staining the deck! It was a ton of work but turned out really nice!

 Sewing masks on a rainy day in the basement!

Dying Easter eggs! Such a relief to do this out on the GRASS!

 Alexis built this fun and creative reading robot. When you turn it around there's a spot to hold books. Tayler and Abby have loved putting their books in the robot!

 Max joined me for an early morning run. And shortly after, Alexis joined me for a run - I didn't get a picture of it, but it was so awesome to spend this time with each of them!

 We took Vern out on his first walk! He was crazy.

 She ADORES him.

 And so does she! Well, they all do!

 Backyard tag and games (with a newly stained deck in the background!).

 These two have had so much fun together. During Vern's first month with us, Mike traveled a huge portion of it, and hadn't had the chance to really spend time with him. It's been so fun seeing these two. They are buds!

 Our annual "pot painting" tradition continues!

 Planted them with seeds and ready to see how they grow!

 A typical morning of school work together. A picture I never thought we'd see happening, but so GRATEFUL for this.

 Bikes and basketball.

 Abby has been determined to learn basketball with Max. She's been amazing at it and he's been a rockstar teacher. Max has even gotten the girls to all play 2:2 basketball together. It's been so fun.

 Vern loves these kiddos. This is a typical shot of him - looking at all of them to see what's happening next.

 Piano lessons with the girls! Alexis is missing in this photo, but gosh I love this view as their mom and teacher!

 First time eating at a park in over a month! We were so excited the shelter in place lifted for our weekly dinner out as a family. It was so sweet to see the excitement of getting to eat at a park together!

Mike and I put this trampoline together and the kids are loving it. It was a beast to put together, but the kids love it!

Choose to Trust

To my future self, or our children, or our grandchildren who will at some point in life experience change through moving:

I get it.

When I hear the word "move" and think of the changes surrounding it, my initial reaction is a throat-closing-off-heart-pounding-out-of-my-chest sensation. Even after moving to four different states in an eight year time period. Or wait. Maybe it's because of the four moves to four states in eight years those feelings come to mind.

While the reasons for moves are as different as the brush strokes on a canvas, remember the purpose of your path. Keep your perspective broad and remember we are here on earth to learn and grow. If the opportunity has arrived for you to learn and grow through moving, embrace it. Hold tight to it.

Choose to trust.

You might be moving five minutes from where you currently live. You may be moving to a place you've never been to, where you don't know anyone and where you can't even figure out which way is North.

Choose to trust. North is always constant. You'll find it again.

And remember, there is good everywhere if you choose to find it. If you choose to discover it. If you choose to proactively allow yourself to embrace it.

You might feel worried or guilty or fearful that changing through moving will bring added stress/worry/discomfort to your children. It probably will. Maybe they will feel anxious or depressed. They might lose confidence in themselves. But this is nothing to feel guilty, worried or fearful about. Trust the process. Let them wobble in unsure ground and give them space to dig deeper into their roots. To learn their true identity isn't made by friends or accomplishments but in knowing that God, their Father, loves them - no matter what, and has not forgotten them. Let them soak in the satisfaction of truly understanding resilience. Of working through the struggle while climbing the mountain. Let them climb.

You might have moments where you question why. Or you look back and remember how comfortable life was. You may even run scenarios of trying to rewind or undo the change. Give yourself permission to have a bad day, to talk out those thoughts, and to validate yourself back into truth. Back into your purpose. Back into trust. Sometimes you'll be able to do this on your own. And sometimes you'll need the help of someone who can lift you where you stand. It may be a spouse, a parent, a friend who has moved and understands the journey. It may be a professional - a person trained with the tools to help reframe mental thoughts back into truth. Trust that while the past has brought you to where you are today, it is who you become with the present that matters most.

The moving process will probably give you an opportunity for a clean slate and a fresh start. Take advantage. It may mean letting go of things/items that can serve a purpose with others before you leave. Be prayerful and the Lord will guide you. Remember that no matter the current home, or goods you own, they will never bring you the joy and satisfaction that comes from learning and growing through trust in God.

In your new area, you may feel lonely at times. You may yearn for old connections and friendships. There are so many tools out there to keep you connected - use them to fuel you, but don't rely on them. No technology will replace the growth that will come from face to face connections you will make with those that surround you. Give that loneliness to God. Because while you may feel lonely, you are never alone. Pray for ways to be proactive and ideas to get to know those around you. Then go and do them. Stepping out of your comfort zone may be a big challenge for you, but it will probably become one of the most rewarding. Trust those ideas of connection as they come to you.

You may be starting new job or supporting a spouse or parent who is starting a new job. It may be hard. There may be unforeseen challenges. There may also be unforeseen opportunities. Encourage them. Lift them. You will always be stronger together. And remember, you're on the same team.

You may need to let go of things that no longer serve you, and moving may instigate this change. Let go of the resistance and trying to hold onto old ways, and become curious. It may begin a learning journey for new routines in every day life that you may have never considered had you stayed comfortable. Allow yourself to be molded into who He desires you to be.

You may need to let go. Of work. Of volunteer commitments. Of a whole list of things you once identified yourself with. And that's okay. Remember that all of those things had purpose in the present, and it's okay to give yourself permission to embrace new chapters. As you lean into the new, unseen opportunities and understanding about your true identity as a Child of God will become more clear.

Remember the small and simple tools of connection with God. Pray, study the scriptures and obey His words to the best of your ability. Begin a daily habit of the small and simple if you have not yet. It will be a strength to you, it will open the path for you to know His will for you more directly, and it will remind you that through His strength, we can do all things.

One day, you'll walk around your house, and it will feel like home. It most likely won't happen until you've put your heart into the place - cleaning, organizing, unpacking and hanging things with meaning on your walls - but it will happen. The day will come that you unconsciously turn on a light switch - one that you couldn't find on the wall initially. You'll no longer run into doors or walls during the middle of the night. You'll hear a sound and know exactly where it's coming from. But beyond any of the things you place in the house, the feelings of "home" will come from the memories you choose to create within its walls. Be consistent with those simple moments that will bring connection and peace to you.

You may experience a burning desire to explore. In ways you never felt before. Trust those feelings and to the best of your ability - with your commitments, time and finances, explore. It could be as simple as a Saturday afternoon adventure, or an overnight camping experience. It may mean a mini-vacation. As you explore, you may find a burning desire to learn the cultures and traditions of where you live. Take the time to learn them. The more you learn about where you are, the more you'll see the beauty in those who surround you. It may increase your desire to learn more about who you are. Study that. Embrace it.

One day you'll be driving in what was a new area, and will realize that you are able to navigate your way without the help of any digital assistance. Soak in this achievement. Celebrate it. Congratulate yourself on every destination you are able to reach with confidence.

Sometimes, you may look up to the sky and see clouds. The weather patterns and skyline may feel unfamiliar to you. Take time to learn these new patterns. And remember that no matter the clouds, the sun is always shining. It is always constant.

Grow the good. In your home. In your heart. In those you come in contact with each and every day.

Look up as you are in every day life. Look out to those who you can be mindful of and serve in small and simple ways.

Be patient with yourself. Do the things that fill you up. Maybe that's connecting with nature, going for walks and talking, exercising, deepening your meditation, prayer and scripture studying, developing a new hobby, or sitting down on the floor and playing with young children.

And above all, cultivate gratitude. Begin each and every day with a prayer of gratitude for the journey as it is unfolding. And end each day focusing on the specific ways God has been mindful of you.

Because he is.

His love for you is abundant.

Simply choose to trust.

Move Update

A little over a month ago we started the process of our new chapter.  Lots of moving parts - and lots of conversations over the phone at night as Mike spent most of the working days in June in Utah while we hung out in Nebraska (although I'm not sure that hung out is the right verbiage.  More like survived?).

Honestly, when we first started tackling everything, I felt pretty dang overwhelmed (and still do at times).  Let's be honest, piecing together the idea of selling a home (while your husband is in another state), buying a home (that you won't actually go out to see), having a baby, and then actually moving and starting all the new stuff that comes with a move + a newborn and all of the above happening in less than a 2 month time period, the list seems a little daunting.

But, I have to say, that once we took the step into the direction that we both knew we were supposed to go, our lives have been filled with more blessings than we can count.  From the big ones, like selling our house in only 6 days, and then finding one that very same week, to the little ones like cute primary girls dropping off dinner for me and the kiddos one night, or someone calling me to take the kids for a few hours so I can tackle some of the to do list stuff.

I've taken a step back this weekend and realized that it truly is amazing to see how The Lord really knows and works the finest details of your life.  We've been so grateful to become branches with some really great people here who have long established roots.  It's been awesome to glimpse into their family roots and get to stem from part of it, even if our time here has been relatively short.

It also makes me realize how important all of the little things really are in life.  From stepping out to think about what someone might need - not on a big or even grand scale, but something small and simple - and how it really makes a difference in their life.

Things are moving on and forward.  Baby girl will be arriving on Thursday (if not sooner), and then we'll have two weeks left in our Nebraska home before we head out to Utah.

Yep, it's a tight timeline, but I'm so grateful that she'll get to be born here in Nebraska.  Just as Tayler won't remember a thing about Minnesota, I'm so grateful that she was born there - a beautiful way to talk about the awesome people and memories we had there.  And, our new babe will get to enjoy the same conversations about her birth, and our life, in Nebraska.

I feel grateful for change.  Not because it is anything close to comfortable or easy, but because it is something that builds who we are.  I look back on the great memories we've had here with a big heart of nostalgia, but at the same time a big heart of gratitude that we took the step to experience it all.

The Gap

Or, from a chronological standpoint, Easter #2.

Actual Easter came just after Mike's parents left, and the reality that Tayler was right back to the fussiness had set it.  I'm a "just do it" kind of a gal, and wasn't feeling too great about pretty much anything.  In fact, I was having a bad, negative kind of a day.  All that kept running through my mind was that I'd fallen short in everything.

This was also the time that things were a definite go with Omaha.  And, looking into the upcoming months, I was a bit bummed out.  I knew the amount of work that was needed to make it all happen, and I wasn't feeling up for it.  I just felt tired.  TIRED.


And, here's where THE GAP came in.  What was the gap?  My husband, kids, and a huge feeling from our Savior, that I'm not in this alone.  I just need to see things a little differently.  Here's how it went:

THE NEGATIVE: Getting dressed, I realized that while I wanted to wear the handful of skirts in my closet, I was still stuck with 1.  Because it was the only one that fit.  Frustrated that I was still wearing the same one skirt again, I was grouchy.

THE GAP: Alexis danced into the room just after I got dressed and told me she had a secret.  She then whispered "you're so pretty."  It was me that needed a change, not the skirt, and the realization that really?  is this really something to be so grouchy about?

THE NEGATIVE:  In a rush of getting everyone out the door, I forgot any type of writing utensil for the kids.  Who love to draw during church.

THE GAP:  Rounded up a couple pens during the car ride, and Max with excitement said, "wow!  a special pen day!"

THE NEGATIVE:  Post church, I really wanted to have a good dinner for everyone.  Meals had been such a thrown together-grab-whatever-is-quick-and-easy for so long, that I really wanted to put a little more into it.  We went with steaks.  But I didn't check that we actually had steaks until just before we were ready to grill them.  And, we didn't have enough.  So, we threw some hot dogs on the grill.  I was so bugged.

THE GAP:  Kids came to the table and Max said "wow!  we have so many choices for dinner tonight!  this is great!"

THE NEGATIVE:  Feeling so alone at this new task of mom.  Juggling three kids, unable to keep up with everything and all the moving pieces.

THE GAP:  Sitting in church, and feeling the power of love, gratitude, appreciation, you name it.  So strongly that it brought tears to my eyes.  Reminded that I needed to focus on what matters most (or what matters at all!), and breath a little.  Enjoy things for what they really are. 

I personally think that when we have a big stress or a big change coming our way, that a natural coping mechanism is to turn every little thing into a stress or obstacle when it really doesn't need to be.  I think it's hard when you are in it to see it all, but hugely obvious from an outsider, or from you when you look at things with a different perspective.

Can't say thanks enough to all those who helped me see that perspective differently.  And got me back on track.