A Pause Between Pages

A new chapter begins. New state, new home, new community and new schools. Our oldest begins his last year of middle school while our youngest begins her first year of Kindergarten. The first day of school, they awoke excited yet nervous. Confident yet doubtful. Calm yet anxious.

Or maybe those were my emotions.

Because as I watched our kindergartener boldly step into her classroom, held the hand of our second grader as she asked bubbled with energy, saw our fifth grader courageously step into her classroom with a smile, and chatted with our eighth grader on his way to school, the moments filled me with reminders of their strength, their light, their courage.

They are there and I am home. It is quiet. It is still. As this new chapter begins for our family, I find myself taking a moment to pause between the pages. Drinking deeply the moments of the past. Of exploring and discovering. Of letting go and trusting. Of embracing and connecting. There is so much to be grateful for.

The light of those moments travel through me like the warmth of the sun on my skin on a hot summer day. Closing the eyes for just a moment to see, hear and relive them as they imprint on the mind and heart.

Between the pages, I find moments of vulnerability. As with all change, what encompasses the next chapter is new and undiscovered. Yet, if I truly look back at our story, I see two themes carried throughout every page.

Faith and courage.

Pausing for a moment to breathe them in deeply, I remember. How they speak to my Spirit, open my heart and soften my rough edges. They are continual teachers as we travel as students of life. I remember. There is nothing to fear, nothing to hold back from.

I am ready.

The next chapter awaits.

Georgia Beginnings

For the first time since moving into our new home, I find myself sitting down and seeing glimpses of how we've been turning this house into a home the last 9 or so days. We are so grateful for the opportunity we have to create a life for our family here. Transitioning a house into a home can sometimes feel overwhelming, but it also has moments and rhythms that have become a bit familiar to us.

These past nine days our intention has centered on: logistics, exploration, traditions and connections.

Logistics - I set a personal goal to unbox our house as quickly as possible. The quicker I could complete the "macro" portion the quicker we could start creating systems and routines that work as far as the ins and outs of everyday life. This was the first time we've moved without a toddler, and we found the unpacking process to go much quicker (ha!). We still have a ways to go with the order, but it will happen as it needs to. Alexis was a champ with helping me unpack the entire kitchen and offered loads of ideas for where things could go. The kids took full ownership over the pantry unpacking. And this time, we had the kids unpack the majority of their rooms themselves. Overall, while some kids definitely enjoyed unpacking more than others (some found it to be painstakingly boring), working with them and setting small goals and continual check-ins suited much better than sounding like a broken record. And they had the satisfaction of taking their space from a pile of boxes into something that felt much more familiar.

Exploration - we've tried to balance in moments of exploring and learning more about where we live. Whether it's taking a different route home from the store or planning an outing somewhere, the exploring helps imprint both familiarity and memories in the mind.

Traditions - slowing down enough to keep up on the small and simple traditions is huge for keeping us all centered on what matters most and not be so overwhelmed with the "to do" list. They are extremely simple, but foundational for the rhythm of our family culture. Family dinner, a few moments to share what we are grateful for, a few minutes discussing scriptures, praying together, our weekly dinner out/movie at home and ice cream - all of these small traditions have held the space of familiar within all of the change. The tradition of Mike blessing our home invited the sweetest feeling of peace.

Connections - this one is definitely a learned skill for me that I'm trying to always get better at, but proactively reaching out and setting up times to connect with others is something we've done this past week. And while my brain tried to convince me to cancel and get back to the "to do" list, it turns out those times connecting with others has been the exact thing to fuel the soul. I've been trying to get better at intentionally connecting with the kids (and not just working on projects all of the time - an easy way to buffer all of the chaos). So when I set up the slip n slide waterslide (it's not actually called that, but that's what I remember calling them as a kid!), rather than jumping back into the house to get more done, I stayed with them, and of course they convinced me to just start sliding with them (which turned out to be so fun!). Or when they really want to play a card game, or show me their latest magic trick, or listen to them read something they love, or to tell me that they miss Florida, or that they don't know how things are going to work out - those are the moments all of this is really about. And slowing enough to listen, love and hold space for them is the exact kind of connecting we want to create. 

The photos over this time have been a bit random and sporadic - some moments completely missed for sure, but these catch glimpses of Georgia life we've been starting together. 

 Abigail loved the hotel room. She kept commenting on how close everything was - like she could hardly walk and would already be at the bathroom. She found it so convenient. After our second night in the house, I asked how she slept and she said how much she really loved it. She then said "mom, can we stay at this hotel another night?!" I chuckled and told her this was our home and we'd stay here a long time. She laughed and said, "mom you're so funny! This is just a bigger hotel! Our house is in Florida!" It took her a few more days before she settled into the idea that this really is "home." Love how those minds work!

 A fun outdoor piano we found at a park near our hotel.

 A cool "ninja warrior" park we found.

 Checking out the Chattahoochee!

 Visiting dad at work!

 Hiking Kennesaw Mountain!

 Trees. Loved this one!

 Enjoying a bbq with some amazingly kind co-workers.

 The girls checking out a park and loving the tire swing.

 The pantry "before" photo.

 The empty house and boxes!

 The moving truck!

 Max on his last day of basketball camp - he found out about camp the night before it started, and while I wanted to hold off on juggling driving him, we are so grateful we had him do it! He had a great experience, learned A TON, and on the last day actually won the Coaches Award - the Coaches honored him by sharing how he really stuck out to them with how hard he worked, how he took action on anything they suggested and how he asked questions to better himself - and then applied whatever he learned. So so cool.

 More unpacking.

 Creative time together (we had no internet for the first few days)!

 The mound of boxes!

 This awesome tree was in full bloom the day we moved in, and I found it so welcoming. It has the biggest bees on it we've ever seen and I look forward to soaking in it's beauty again and again!

The In-Between

Whew. I write sitting on a hotel bed. We're a solid week into our hotel-transition time. Gratefully, with just one more week, I'll be writing from our new home.

Pausing in these somewhat awkward days, where the kids and I seem to have flown from a rhythm of life into an abrupt halt, I find the feelings of unfamiliar somewhat familiar. This isn't our first time sitting in the space of the in-between, yet instead of the restlessness I typically find myself in, I find myself practicing more awareness. It's interesting to have pauses like these in life. Where there is almost a tangible hold between what was and what is going to be. It has opened my heart to look back with so much gratitude, to look forward with an abundance of faith, and to sit in the now, holding space for what is right in front of us.

There is so much power in the now, if I choose to access it. Yet, like in all things, the in-between is full of choice. To choose to sit in discomfort and bury it, anxious, resistant and frustrated in the slow motion of the days, or to see discomfort for the fluid opportunity it presents. Because discomfort is what creates growth. And I am all in for growth. Yet, I am human. And find myself dancing between both places throughout each day, soaking in the moments that warm my heart and take away the sting of loneliness that creeps in these times of unknowns. Because the more I look around, the more I see the people surrounding me. Full of love, light, and above all, hope. And I can hold hope with them. I may not have all the answers. But I can hold space for hope. That while we don't know what life will look like in our next chapter, and while we longingly look for the comfort of our last chapter, we find ourselves bookmarked. Relishing in the memories and experiences that formed exactly how they needed to, yet unable to move into the next part of the story. The smell of the pages from the well-worn book remind us of the beauty that life has to offer us if we are willing to be patient. To be open to receive what it is we are meant to discover.

As I find pockets of stillness where I'm feeling my feet where they are standing, I soften. The crinkled muscles between my eyebrows relax and the tension in my shoulders releases. I begin to see the joy that truly surrounds us.

The laughter of Abigail telling us how amazing she thinks the hotel is.
The kids excitement for the hotel breakfast menu. Trying new foods because they can.
Showing up at a park, and playing together for hours. Max inventing a Percy Jackson tag that the girls giggle to play with him. Creating obstacle courses with them.
Abigail catching a frog, picking up worms and looking for insects at every moment. Some stop to smell the roses. She stops to catch the bugs.
Alexis swimming in the cold pool the most because she loves a good competition.
Alexis' smile as she discovers new ways to cross the monkey bars. Backwards, skipping two, and skipping two backwards.
Tayler's laugh. In the car. At the park.
Tayler making a new friend at every park we go to. Smiling and welcoming anyone to join her.
Max playing pick-up ball with no fear about being the youngest.
Tayler's excitement to do her summer workbook each morning.
Card games on the park table under the shade of the giant trees.

As I get out of my own head long enough to observe moments like these, I find myself listening so much more. Seeing where they are processing this journey in their own individual ways, and seeing how they choose to respond. They teach so much. Courage, resilience, grit, joy all surround abundantly. Turns out the in-between is full of the unexpected. Turns out the in-between is exactly where I'm growing. Turns out the in-between really is a lesson in being present with life enough to realize that's where life is.

Home

Max: "Mom, I noticed you haven't posted on the blog for awhile."
Me: "I know, right?! We've kinda been juggling a lot huh?"
Max: "Well, as your biggest fan, and probably the main reader, I think it'd be awesome if you posted again."

Sometimes a nudge is just what's needed to get back on the wagon and start posting again. Where to begin? So much has changed and yet everything has stayed the same, so I'll simply begin again:

In June we'll be moving to Atlanta, GA! While we've loved embracing the endless beaches and summers, they pale in comparison to the amazing people and experiences here. "Home" from a geography perspective has changed for us - Georgia will be our 6th state in 9 years (!). Each place has been a stepping stone on a path we never expected and has cultivated growth in ways we never knew possible. Our hearts are so full as we reflect on the abundance of memories. We are humbled and grateful for the journey. "Home" is so much more than a physical address and we are grateful to hold a piece of "home" in our hearts for South Florida (and the other amazing "homes" we've lived). We look forward to cultivating our new "home" in Georgia!

This transition has had its own rhythm of chaos, but we have seen again and again how mindful the Lord is of us.

Choose to Trust

To my future self, or our children, or our grandchildren who will at some point in life experience change through moving:

I get it.

When I hear the word "move" and think of the changes surrounding it, my initial reaction is a throat-closing-off-heart-pounding-out-of-my-chest sensation. Even after moving to four different states in an eight year time period. Or wait. Maybe it's because of the four moves to four states in eight years those feelings come to mind.

While the reasons for moves are as different as the brush strokes on a canvas, remember the purpose of your path. Keep your perspective broad and remember we are here on earth to learn and grow. If the opportunity has arrived for you to learn and grow through moving, embrace it. Hold tight to it.

Choose to trust.

You might be moving five minutes from where you currently live. You may be moving to a place you've never been to, where you don't know anyone and where you can't even figure out which way is North.

Choose to trust. North is always constant. You'll find it again.

And remember, there is good everywhere if you choose to find it. If you choose to discover it. If you choose to proactively allow yourself to embrace it.

You might feel worried or guilty or fearful that changing through moving will bring added stress/worry/discomfort to your children. It probably will. Maybe they will feel anxious or depressed. They might lose confidence in themselves. But this is nothing to feel guilty, worried or fearful about. Trust the process. Let them wobble in unsure ground and give them space to dig deeper into their roots. To learn their true identity isn't made by friends or accomplishments but in knowing that God, their Father, loves them - no matter what, and has not forgotten them. Let them soak in the satisfaction of truly understanding resilience. Of working through the struggle while climbing the mountain. Let them climb.

You might have moments where you question why. Or you look back and remember how comfortable life was. You may even run scenarios of trying to rewind or undo the change. Give yourself permission to have a bad day, to talk out those thoughts, and to validate yourself back into truth. Back into your purpose. Back into trust. Sometimes you'll be able to do this on your own. And sometimes you'll need the help of someone who can lift you where you stand. It may be a spouse, a parent, a friend who has moved and understands the journey. It may be a professional - a person trained with the tools to help reframe mental thoughts back into truth. Trust that while the past has brought you to where you are today, it is who you become with the present that matters most.

The moving process will probably give you an opportunity for a clean slate and a fresh start. Take advantage. It may mean letting go of things/items that can serve a purpose with others before you leave. Be prayerful and the Lord will guide you. Remember that no matter the current home, or goods you own, they will never bring you the joy and satisfaction that comes from learning and growing through trust in God.

In your new area, you may feel lonely at times. You may yearn for old connections and friendships. There are so many tools out there to keep you connected - use them to fuel you, but don't rely on them. No technology will replace the growth that will come from face to face connections you will make with those that surround you. Give that loneliness to God. Because while you may feel lonely, you are never alone. Pray for ways to be proactive and ideas to get to know those around you. Then go and do them. Stepping out of your comfort zone may be a big challenge for you, but it will probably become one of the most rewarding. Trust those ideas of connection as they come to you.

You may be starting new job or supporting a spouse or parent who is starting a new job. It may be hard. There may be unforeseen challenges. There may also be unforeseen opportunities. Encourage them. Lift them. You will always be stronger together. And remember, you're on the same team.

You may need to let go of things that no longer serve you, and moving may instigate this change. Let go of the resistance and trying to hold onto old ways, and become curious. It may begin a learning journey for new routines in every day life that you may have never considered had you stayed comfortable. Allow yourself to be molded into who He desires you to be.

You may need to let go. Of work. Of volunteer commitments. Of a whole list of things you once identified yourself with. And that's okay. Remember that all of those things had purpose in the present, and it's okay to give yourself permission to embrace new chapters. As you lean into the new, unseen opportunities and understanding about your true identity as a Child of God will become more clear.

Remember the small and simple tools of connection with God. Pray, study the scriptures and obey His words to the best of your ability. Begin a daily habit of the small and simple if you have not yet. It will be a strength to you, it will open the path for you to know His will for you more directly, and it will remind you that through His strength, we can do all things.

One day, you'll walk around your house, and it will feel like home. It most likely won't happen until you've put your heart into the place - cleaning, organizing, unpacking and hanging things with meaning on your walls - but it will happen. The day will come that you unconsciously turn on a light switch - one that you couldn't find on the wall initially. You'll no longer run into doors or walls during the middle of the night. You'll hear a sound and know exactly where it's coming from. But beyond any of the things you place in the house, the feelings of "home" will come from the memories you choose to create within its walls. Be consistent with those simple moments that will bring connection and peace to you.

You may experience a burning desire to explore. In ways you never felt before. Trust those feelings and to the best of your ability - with your commitments, time and finances, explore. It could be as simple as a Saturday afternoon adventure, or an overnight camping experience. It may mean a mini-vacation. As you explore, you may find a burning desire to learn the cultures and traditions of where you live. Take the time to learn them. The more you learn about where you are, the more you'll see the beauty in those who surround you. It may increase your desire to learn more about who you are. Study that. Embrace it.

One day you'll be driving in what was a new area, and will realize that you are able to navigate your way without the help of any digital assistance. Soak in this achievement. Celebrate it. Congratulate yourself on every destination you are able to reach with confidence.

Sometimes, you may look up to the sky and see clouds. The weather patterns and skyline may feel unfamiliar to you. Take time to learn these new patterns. And remember that no matter the clouds, the sun is always shining. It is always constant.

Grow the good. In your home. In your heart. In those you come in contact with each and every day.

Look up as you are in every day life. Look out to those who you can be mindful of and serve in small and simple ways.

Be patient with yourself. Do the things that fill you up. Maybe that's connecting with nature, going for walks and talking, exercising, deepening your meditation, prayer and scripture studying, developing a new hobby, or sitting down on the floor and playing with young children.

And above all, cultivate gratitude. Begin each and every day with a prayer of gratitude for the journey as it is unfolding. And end each day focusing on the specific ways God has been mindful of you.

Because he is.

His love for you is abundant.

Simply choose to trust.

October

Fun traditions and fall activities.  Kiddos were 'off track' - a new concept for me with year round school, but it's been a fun month to enjoy together!

Oh, and always a crazy feeling - switching over the license plates!

We Moved In

Wahoo!  Move in day arrived!

Zero pics taken - but I will recap saying it was pretty crazy/stressful trying to align everything between the closing and the movers bringing our stuff over (so grateful to have that blessing of movers with a company relocation), but it was crazy trying to get the timing right.

And we had a really small window to move in before hubs left town for a work trip.

Timing was everything.

When it was all said and done, we moved in, and the hubs had three days to help me out before he was outta town for a little over a week.

The girls were troopers with me.  Between feedings, we'd attack the unpacking.  Having unpacked from packers, I know it's a little crazy.  Their goal is to pack according to weight, and safety.  Not for how you'd always organize things yourself.  So it's pretty overwhelming when you open "one box" only to realize you need to open all the boxes for the whole room to get things unpacked.  And then still find things in odd places. 

It felt overwhelming, but tackling it a room at a time was so helpful.

Kitchen

Bathrooms

Closets (hanging)

Family Room

Kids Rooms 

Melting pot from there!

And with the unpack, I realize how very blessed we are, and really try to think about the items and the need for our family.  Letting go of what we don't need and giving it to places/people that do have needs is much better than having it sit around for 'in case we need it again.'  It takes time, and I feel like is a constant battle, but is worth the effort!!

Hubs sent a beautiful pic of his work trip to Maine:

 Oops!  Washed the 2 year olds' FAVORITE BOOK EVER!!

 Dumping out ALL the toys was the only way to unpack them.  And declutter.  Declutter.  Declutter!! We easily let go of 50% of the chunk, and the kids haven't missed them.

Commute

Then came the fun part.

School began.  We were still about 5 weeks out from moving in (although we didn't know that at the time - we thought it was 2-3 weeks!).  

We were living a good :45 - 1 hour away from it all.

It was an awkward window of time.

And there was a TON of debate and conversation with "what to do."  But, with all the solutions to make it easier on me, I really knew the best solutions for the kiddos was to start them in school.  Not to wait, not to enroll them somewhere else, but get them moving forward in their new chapter.

Which meant a commute.

Not two times a day, but four (thanks to a full day third grader and a half day kindergartener).

So grateful for the help I had from my dad and hubby who were able to pick up some of the morning drop offs for our full day guy.

And for my sis allowing us to crash at her house when we were 'in-between' places for the day.

In short, it was tough.  A strong willed two year old who wanted to have 'fun' all day, and who of course wanted to start potty training (I bribed her in every way to hold her off on that one until we moved in), and a newborn, who wasn't sleeping.  So mama was tired.

But we funny little things were blessings.  

Like we had AUH-mazing weather almost the whole 5 weeks.  There were fun parks to go to every day.  We discovered all kinds of things - like the closest public bathroom to our house, that McDonalds will give you ice water in the large cups for ridiculously cheap, I was able to do a handful of outdoor workouts (when I had the "energy"), and we'd drive by the house daily - simply to see if it might be 'ready' yet.  I focused on taking it all one day at a time.

Some days were longer than others, and clearly, I needed to learn the value of patience.  Breathing.  And enjoying the present moment.

Can't say I'm an expert at any, but it's good to look back and know we did something that felt so hard at the time.