June

June was a bit of a whirlwind.  Going into it, I knew it was going to be tough.  While I was in it, I think was a grouchy/crazy/stressed lady.  Looking back, I have so much gratitude for it all.  While it was a lot to soak in, so many good things fell into place, moved forward as they needed, and really set us up for the next crazy month.

In summary:

*Mike was gone during the weeks, and some of the weekends of June.  Already working in his new position, and then house hunting. 

*I was prego.  And really wanted to just be prego.  So I was pretty grouchy.  Picked a realtor, got the house "show ready" and then showed the house like crazy for a solid 6 days.  And seriously, had an offer on the house by the 6th day.  Can't even express how stressful and crazy those 6 days were cleaning, showing, and corralling kids solo with a bun in the oven, finding things to do while we were "homeless" in the summer, and then doing it over and over.  At the same time, can't even express how much gratitude I have that the Lord helped us with the whole process.

*I kept our boy busy that month.  A week long cub scout camp was simply amazing for him.  And then a fun basketball camp.  

*We spent lots of time at the pool.  I loved being in the water and taking the baby weight off my hips!

*I stayed busy and taught my fitness classes through the end of June.  It felt good to feel relatively "normal" with all of the change going on.

*Tayler had A LOT of meltdowns.  And by a lot, I actually mean a lot.  Max and Alexis were huge helpers.  So were fruit snacks.

*We wrapped things up with doctors appointments, and Tayler's first dentist appointment.  So cute.

*We had plenty of "movie nights" together.  As by that time in the evening momma was so, so tired, and often on the phone talking to the hubby about the logistics of everything.

*Mike had success on his end as well (no photos), but actually found a house in a day.  Prior to leaving on the house trip, I checked with the doc to see if I'd be able to fly out, but I was just too far along.  So he was house hunting solo.  And promised he'd find a quick move in ready home.  You can imagine my excitement when he told me the house he'd found was only a foundation.  But that's a whole other story.

*Church was one of our favorite things.  All the Sundays but one, Mike was with us, so it was great to spend time together as a family.  And to be surrounded by so many great people.  I snapped this photo - Max and Mike had the weekly job of collecting the garbages at the end of the meetings.  This kid loved doing it, and I just can't get enough of him in that suit.

Top Five

I haven't written too much these past few months, because I really feel like just managing the day to day has been more than enough for me.  But I've had a good handful of missed bloopers that I feel I'd be remiss to not write them down.

Below are the top five out-of-the-norm-for-Sara things that have happened lately:

1.  I shrunk Mike's new sweater I gave him for Christmas.  After all of the pinterest attempts to stretch it, I'm seriously considering throwing it back into the dryer for another round in hopes it'll come out fitting Max.

2.  Max had the day off of school.  Except that he really didn't.  And I realized this when the school called about 9:15 to see where my son was.  But, he had a nice pancake breakfast, and as he put it, "well, good thing I'm all ready for the day so we can just get there quick!"

3.  I'm trying to keep up with Tayler, but she is curiously quick.  At the store, as I was unloading our items onto the belt, she and Alexis were standing by me (Tayler pretty much boycotts any type of cart or restraint.  And does so with a lot of emotion.  Complete screaming and body throwing.  For now, it's best to just let her walk along with.  That alone is adventure enough, and probably why I avoid the store experience a lot right now!).  Anyway, they were standing by me, and as I turned around, I found those big brown eyes with one hand holding an open candy bar, and the other hand chowing down on it!  I couldn't help but laugh at how quick she'd pulled one, opened it and was munching down!  Of course, I just stuck it on to buy, put her in the cart (where she was content eating the rest of it - momentarily), and chuckled that she'd helped herself so quickly.

What was the candy of choice?  A mounds bar of all things.  And she gobbled it up!

Alexis stood there the whole time with her mouth hanging open. I think she was in disbelief.  Then coming to her senses, she turned and said, "mom, do I get to pick out some candy too?"

Funny enough, on the next trip to the store, Tayler grabbed a box of vanilla wafers from the store shelf, sat down and had ripped them open to eat faster than I could catch her.  Hmmm.

4.  I've realized that I am probably done running.  But only after walking through the store to pick up some milk after going to the gym did I make this realization.  As Alexis took me on the store "tour" as she calls it (a few months ago her preschool did a field trip at the grocery store.  She loves to relive it.), to her favorite part, the lobster, I knew my stomach wasn't feeling too great.  Of course, as I kept my distance Tayler wanted to join in the fun.  Clearly unable to distance myself from the fish section, I thought I could hold my breath long enough.  Dead wrong.  Thankfully, we made a quick cross cut through the store, ditched the cart (as Alexis kept saying, "mom! we never just leave our cart in the middle of the store!  I should stay by it!").  The whole time, I'm trying to persuade her to hurry up so I can just make-it-to-the-bathroom-in-time.  She decides she should stay with the cart while I go, I then decide she still needs to come with me.  As she's dragging behind me and Tayler, I'm thinking "I can't throw up in the middle of my favorite grocery store!"  Gladly, we made it.  Of course Tayler sees what is happening and says "uh oh mommy."  Alexis, completely oblivious to the whole thing, is running constant commentary about how beautiful the bathroom is, and how she actually hasn't been in it before.  Great, a new thing to add to the tour.

5.  I've misplaced more things than I could even count.  The biggest one, was my wallet.  Of course, I didn't realize that I'd misplaced it until the next morning as I'm headed off to take Alexis to kindergarten round up (a program they do here to give kids a little glimpse of their classroom, hang out with the other soon to be kindergartners, and meet the teachers).  After looking for a few minutes, I remember exactly where I put it.  On top of Mike's car as I was getting out of my own car the night before and had too much stuff in my hands.  On top of Mike's car which he then drove to work, and has been at work for a couple of hours already.  Sheer panic hit me, but I had to completely disregard it, for Alexis was pounding out all the questions she had about her new morning.  I couldn't let her feel anxious about something that had nothing to do with her.  So, I buried it, dropped her off, and then called Mike.  And totally lost it.  Between tears our conversation went like this:
me: "Uh, did you drive the usual way to work today?" (calculating in my head I had just enough time to probably make it there and back before I had to teach my class)
Mike:  "That's a weird question, but yep."
me:  "Did you happen to hear anything moving around, or fall off of your roof?"
Mike: "Nope."
me:  "Well, I put my wallet on top of your car last night and you drove to work with it!  It could be anywhere!!"
Mike:  "Let me just walk outside and check my car."
(pause in the conversation as I'm internally panicking and thinking of all the places I'll have to call that day to cancel everything).
Mike:  "You'll never believe this. Your wallet is on the ground in my parking lot."
NO WAY!!!
He drove 20 minutes (freeway speed, turns, you name it), and the wallet stayed on the ROOF of his car until he made it to the parking lot.

This was a clear moment where I (again) realized that we really aren't alone in this journey.  Sure, we all go through tough things, but sometimes, tender mercies are thrown our way - even before we realize it.  All the prayers I said in my head that I would find my wallet had already been answered, and I know it had nothing to do with sheer coincidence.
As I hung up, I said a prayer of gratitude, and had an overwhelming feeling that I really wasn't alone in this whole process.  And that things were going to be okay.

Think she made a mistake?

We had to reschedule our first ultrasound appt. because Mike and I both came down with a stomach bug (as if I hadn't thrown up enough over these last few months already!).  Max was super bummed, as he'd anticipated going for ages.  I was too.  Completely frustrated.

But, a week later, we were rescheduled and back on track.  We took Max and Alexis with us (something I'd highly recommend!).  Tayler hung out at a friends house (I don't know many two year olds who would be too interested in it all anyway!).  Their eyes were like saucers looking at the screen as they saw the baby move.  Figuring out the body parts was funny at first.  Alexis kept saying, "oh I see the head" and it wasn't it at all.  But after a couple minutes they started to see the baby, wiggling fingers, kicking legs, and little feet on the screen.

Then it was time for the gender shot.  Max had been praying for ages that we'd have a boy, so you can imagine the anticipation he had.  When the tech revealed it was a GIRL, Alexis let out a little scream of excitement.  Mike and I were of course excited, and Max went dead silent.

So quiet, that we kind of waited for him to say something.  So the room went totally quiet.  I awkwardly started talking to Alexis, and heard Max whisper to Mike "think she made a mistake?"

After we made it out of the room, I couldn't wait to get their reactions on video.  Completely priceless.  Another favorite are these pictures I took before we left.

I loved having them there and hearing their natural reaction to it all.  Sure, it wasn't all glorious and rosy, but it was real, and that really is what life is about.  Managing expectations, overcoming disappointment, and moving forward.

Even better was a couple days later at bedtime.  Max had just finished brushing his teeth when he turned to my belly and said, "hey little cutie in there, I'm your big brother" in the softest sweetest voice he has.

He's coming around.

And we're tickled pink.

Before:

 After:

Two More Feet

That's how much we'll be growing in July.  As a family that is!

Maybe Mike and I are crazy.  Maybe we've caught the midwest bug where 4 kids seems not only manageable, but pretty dang normal.  Maybe we decided the three munchkins we had were cute enough that we'd throw another one into the mix.  Maybe we just like the whole parenting gig enough to keep it up for another one.  Who knows.

It's all for good reason.  And the kids are pumped.  Max tells me all the time it should be our turn to have a boy again.  Too bad the odds really are against him.   Only time will tell.

Up until this week, I've been pretty dang sick.  Hands down the worst I've ever been.  Life went into a bit of a essentials only hold (hence the blog posting delay), and so many things were held off, missed completely, or skipped over the last 2 1/2 (almost 3!) months.

Have I been grouchy?  You bet.  Have I had days where I just wanted to crawl into a hole?  You betcha.  Have I rolled over in the morning, only to hope I could just roll back over and go back to bed? More often than I could probably count.

Mike kept reminding me I'd turn the corner at some point.  And sweet Max would jump on the bandwagon and if I had a certain look of I'm-going-to-puke-again-keep-an-eye-on-your-sisters-until-I-get-back, he'd smile, hold up his hand and say, "mom, your driving and the corner is right here.  You'll make the turn soon."

Little patient Alexis, who probably dealt with the most boring-mom-ever these last couple of months prayed for my tummy to feel better every night.  And gave the best hugs.

And Tayler was oblivious to it all.

Thank goodness those kids have a lot of patience and forgiveness in them!!

When I hit the peak (the peak being no food would work for a few days, and I was pretty much stuck in bed sipping on fluids to avoid a trip to the hospital), Mike swept in like Mary Poppins and wrangled it all.  And then was smart enough to pass along my symptoms to some of our friends at church who then pitched in when he went back to work.

What have I learned from it all?  Something that I've learned before, but seem to be reminded of every once in awhile - that it's always okay to ask for help.  Because we all need it at some point.  And while all those negative, depressing emotions seemed to overwhelm me at times, I really found some of the best medicine was to just keep doing something normal.  Keep moving, keep teaching classes, keep exercising, keep going forward.  When every part of me wanted to just freeze and be still for an entire day, instead choosing to move forward, and remind myself that even though everything didn't feel good then, it would feel good at some point.  And, that it is all for a really good reason.  Was it tough?  You bet.  But, looking back, while we missed lots of our little holiday traditions, the kids still have great memories.  While I may not have done all that I had hoped to, I did do some things.  And while I wasn't the happiest mom all the time, I at least remembered to apologize, and then tried to be better.  

Gladly, the corner is definitely turning (whew!).

Consistency

It'd be easy to assume after having this big moment on the bike, it was smooth sailing for me getting back to being me.

That was hardly the case.

As soon as I pulled into the driveway, life crept back in.  But, I had a new perspective.  While the work ahead was big, it was doable if I took it one step at a time.

I jumped back into teaching classes at the gym.  Honestly, I felt anything but strong and energized, but figured I needed to get back at it.

When you go through pregnancy in any type of fitness environment and place yourself at the front of the room, you are bound to have comments of all kinds from members.  Sometimes you are seen in a position of expertise, sometimes it is to see what you actually know, and sometimes you're just the person they need to vent to when life isn't going right.

Teaching through two pregnancies, I feel like I've heard a lot.  Probably not everything, but a lot.

The most common ones include:  "did you really gain enough?"  or  "you should weigh differently at this point in your pregnancy than you do." or "did you check with your doctor to see if you should really exercise right now?"

A little less common ones include:  "wow.  I figured you had to be pregnant, you looked so bloated." or "I figured it was a good workout if I could do more push-ups than a pregnant lady." or "for a pregnant person, you don't look too fat." or "can you really still sit on a bike?"

Post-pregnancy, with a solid 20 pounds yet to lose, I had naturally let self-doubt creep in.  Questioned whether I should step back into class again.  The voice in my head said "you're so out of shape!"  or "you are way too tired to do this, just give up!" or "does it really matter if I teach another class?  who even pays attention to the instructor anyway?"

I tell members all the time that walking through the door is the hardest part.  Getting there.  That is tough.  Once you're in, it's easy.  You've already made the choice to improve yourself, so enjoy it and make it count.

I had become a student of my own words.  Walking back through the door really was the toughest part.  But after I took that step, everything came back.  Natural endorphins are incredible, and I hope everyone has the experience to know for themselves how positively life-changing they are, both mentally and physically.

One of the best post-pregnancy comments I received from members was from a husband and wife working out together (they were taking a tabata bootcamp class).  They told me they'd just started exercising again and were terrible with motivation.  But, if I was going to be there every Saturday morning, and just had a baby, then they could get up and go too.

Hearing that was such a big boost for me.  All the worries and self-doubt erased and I was reminded why I love teaching so much.  I love the chance to see people make a difference for the better in their own lives.

My journey continued.  A combination of eating good, wholesome, fresh food (I can't emphasize enough how much that did for me with losing the 20!), coupled with exercise.  As we were in the mix of moving too, I was lucky to get 3 workouts a week.

Little by little, the numbers crept down.  A 2 pound weight loss each week for the first four weeks, then it averaged a 1 pound weight loss per week for the next month, then slowed to about a 1/2 pound weight loss per week for the remaining chunk.

Which put me at 6 months.  In a new state, a new home, and without a teaching job.  On the list after "set up internet" was "get a gym membership."

Not currently teaching, but with some invisible sign that reads ask me about my weight  I was walking out of the gym one day when a women stopped and said, "can you really look like that and have a baby that small, or is this just genetics for you?"

I had a choice.  I could shrug, and let her think that no matter what she did, genetics determined everything about our bodies, or I could stop and chat.  Looking at her eyes, I could tell she wasn't just making small talk.  She really wanted to know.

Our conversation continued.  She'd fallen into some bad eating habits, and was trying to lose about 50 pounds.  She was younger than me, and had just started exercising.  She had very little knowledge, felt very out of shape, and overwhelmed.

My response was completely honest.

Told her how I think genetics play some role in how your body carries a pregnancy, how big your babies are, and how your overall labor and delivery goes.  And, I feel blessed that genetics have been to my overall benefit.

But, I definitely believe that it is what we do with ourselves that determines so much of the process.  A body already in motion wants to stay in motion.  A body that is regularly given whole, nourishing foods, will react differently than a body that doesn't.

And, it all comes down to consistency.  Having the discipline and will power to be consistent over a long period of time.  Expecting mistakes, but then starting fresh the next day.  That's how big changes are made.

Being so honest to a stranger can be a little tough.  I had no idea how she'd respond.

It was better than I could have anticipated.  Her response was something like this, "thank you so much for your honesty.  I've wondered if anything I did really made a difference.  Thanks for telling me that all of this really will pay off."

It does.  And it will.  Keep at it, whatever it is for you.

Getting back on the bike

(Ages ago, I mentioned I'd be writing about different experiences I've had post-babe.  So, here they go, one at a time.  If you read this, stay tuned for more.  I you're just looking for pics of the kids, sorry folks!)


6 weeks after having Tayler, I felt miserable.  Inside and out.  The exhaustion of everything felt so permanent, the stress of all the unknowns felt so permanent, and the state of my just-had-a-baby-haven't-exercised-in-ages felt so permanent.

Sure, I'd been walking, and overall, active for post-prego, but I was a far cry from feeling like me.  The initial weight loss from the birth had come and gone, and while I was nursing and could count that those calories contributed, I knew that it had settled out and plateaued as well.

8 weeks was even tougher.  At this point, I felt the expectation that life should move forward (which it was), but I was clinging to whatever part of it I could.  Hard to describe that feeling of utter exhaustion. Where just looking at a dish in the sink seems like an overwhelming task.

Enter my rock.  A.K.A. Mike.  Who saw I needed to feel like me again.  Timing worked out that his parents were in town and could watch the troops while we went on a bike ride.

I was super hesitant at first.  At my best, I still can't hold his wheel, and the thought of wearing a whole bunch of spandex didn't do much for my inner image.  But, I swallowed my grumpiness and went into the closet to change.

And, laying on the floor, he'd placed a pair of his trunks to wear.  Because, current self wasn't going to get anywhere close to fitting the women sized cycling clothes that were sitting in the closet.  I sighed a big sigh, and looked around.  Staring at a closet full of clothes that minus the small section right in the front, seem to stare back at me.  "Will I ever wear them again?"  "How did I fit those to begin with?"  "It feels so impossible to do it all over again."  The voice resonated in my mind.  Again, I swallowed my grumpiness, and slipped them on.  Humph.  Comfortable.

Made it to the garage where my champ already pumped up my bike, filled up some water, and was smiling like he always does when he's about to head off on the bike.  Looking at him, I could only think, "why can't I smile like that?"

With a click of the pedals we were off.

It didn't take longer than hitting the first turn off of our street before I began to breathe the crisp spring air.  Amazingly energizing.  Incredibly lifting.  The image of the first turn burns in my memory as a moment in time that stood still.  Bright blue skies, white happy, puffy clouds, and my best friend at my side.  Yes, right there with me.  Not buzzing ahead, but with his white-teeth, smiling at me like we were taking on the world.

Off we went.  A 45 minute loop that wound us through some curvy, beautiful tree lined roads, up 3 rolling hills, and past countless farm houses, cornfields, wooden windmills, and American flags.  A scene fit for a postcard or a beautiful painting.  So beautiful that when you see the image, you question if it really could be real.

Was it a tough ride?  You bet.  But, a coach sat beside me, or rode behind me, and talked me up the hills.  Talked me through the tired, weary legs that were trying to move forward.  Talked me through the tired, exhausted self that I'd become.  I felt my legs begin to burn.  That fire felt unbelievably energizing.

And with every pedal stroke, I felt myself move forward.  One step at a time, I was moving somewhere.  Doing something.

I'm a firm believer that the first step you take into something is the toughest.  No matter the challenge.  But once you make it, you realize you have nowhere to go but up.

As we rounded the corner from country back into suburb, a part of me was relieved.  I was tired, and ready to rest.  But, at the same time, I loved the new feeling of tired.  Like I couldn't wait to have sore legs tomorrow.

And, it was the first step into becoming me.  Again.

Gratitude

I find this title to fit best as it's the emotion I've felt the most since we've had this cute Tayler enter our lives.

And to get why I feel so grateful, I guess I should pick up where I left off. A couple days after my last pregnancy post, I headed to my 38 week appt. to find out that she was even lower and that I was more dilated (at a 4). I'd been having all kinds of "false labor" signs and contractions and my back and pelvis just ached from it all. My doctor mentioned that she was a bit concerned with how far progressed I was in labor, and when my body decided to switch to the "active labor" that it would be fast. She wanted to have as much control as possible (in other words, she really didn't want me having this baby in the car on the way to the hospital) and gave me the option to set up an induction/augmentation for Saturday (she actually needed to get approval for this since they don't induce before 39 weeks anymore).

There she was. Handing me the delivery date, the end to all of the pressure and pain that I've been feeling and I actually hesitated. Yep, this was the week where I'd hit the point of no longer teaching classes, let alone walk. I was so uncomfortable with the pelvic pressure, and wasn't getting any sleep. Every night I just collapsed on the couch at 7:00 and remained there until I could drag myself upstairs for bed. I was losing an appetite for food (minus the awesome chocolate pb protein shakes Mike made for me every night!) and was feeling so irritable. But I still hesitated.

Which is why I think Mike was inspired to show up at that appointment with me. Figured it'd be good to meet the doctor before labor, and minus the ultra sound, it was his first one. He looked at me and then the doctor, and said "we'll do it."

So simple. Something I love about my hubby. While I might stew over an option, weigh the outcomes of either and eventually come to the same conclusion, he'll look at the information and often make a much quicker decision.

She made a quick phone call, and set me up. Then mentioned if anything started any earlier to seriously hustle to the hospital.

The night before heading out I was filled with mixed emotions. I'd never just walked into the hospital with a planned date for delivery, and the whole thing felt foreign. And, I was concerned about being induced. While technically, it was called an augmentation, or a super light "kick start", I was still a little worried with how things would respond or how it would all go.

It was then that I realized (with the help of Mike), I was going to worry myself into a bad experience. I needed to take some of my own advice that I give to others about positive thinking and direction and apply it to my own situation. And that I needed to trust the process.

And that's exactly what I did. In short, the day could not have gone any better. I enjoyed a night of sleep (minus the bathroom trips!), we fed the kids breakfast and took them to our neighbors (no family in town, so coordinating things was a lot easier on a set day instead of the middle of the night phone call!), we made a comfortable and quiet drive to the hospital, and checked right in.

The hospital was great. We went to the one closest to us, but it's also known around town as the "spa." Centering on a holistic approach, I was interested to see what they'd offer.

First thing the nurse asked was for our birth plan. Mike and I looked at each other, and a long pause immediately followed. We've never actually had one other than "let's get baby out sooner rather than later" and with Alexis, I wasn't even in the hospital for an hour before having her. "well, we'd like to have a baby today," was about all I could think of in response.

They were awesome. They brought out essential oils, offered all kinds of cool things like healing touch, a doula, music, an exercise ball, you name it they had it. It turns out things went quick enough that I really just took advantage of the oils and exercise ball, but they were great.

Giving birth "naturally" or without anesthesia isn't for everyone, and I would never type this to make someone feel like they shouldn't get an epidural. Every pregnancy is different, and every body is different in how they respond to pain and in how the baby works through the process of labor.

But, for me, I actually think that my body does better without the drugs. I like feeling in control, I like being able to move around during contractions, and I like knowing exactly how and when to push when that time comes. And, the recovery is so much quicker for me. I can get up, move around (get off my back!), and let the healing process begin almost immediately. Not to mention the euphoric sensation that follows as your body is clearly pumped full of adrenaline. It's like you could climb a mountain. Twice.

Plus, I have the benefit of a baby that is already extremely low, and a labor that goes quick. Sure, there is the risk, but I also take in the confidence of my doctor and those around me as support. If something were not working as it should, I'd be the first to take the drugs and move to a different direction.

But I didn't need to go there. They started my contractions with a small does of pitocin. Once they were steady, the doctor came in and broke my water. I spent about 2 hours in active labor with really steady contractions. Listened to my ipod, listened to Mike make jokes - nothing to make me laugh too hard, and spent some time on the exercise ball (sooooooooooo much better than a hospital bed!).

Mike was an awesome support, or has he calls it, just a good listener. Talk when he should talk, music when I ask for music, silence when I ask for silence, a back rub, then don't touch. I can't imagine anything feeling more confusing to listen to, but he does a great job responding to it all.

The nurse came in for a check and I mentioned that I felt like things had really progressed, but wasn't sure. She offered a bath as a great way to ease through some of the contractions. Right then I looked at her (mid-contraction) and another nurse walked in. That nurse looked at us and said asked if I really wanted to get in the tub. Taking a breath between contractions, I looked at her and said I didn't think I'd make it back out of the tub if I got in and that I really felt like things had progressed. She didn't hesitate to check and sure enough, I was an 8.

Then the contractions started to pound. No longer able to maintain any type of balance, I was back on the bed, and I went into my own world. Experienced a huge wave of nausea, and then it passed moments later. Everything seemed irritating, nothing felt comfortable, the contractions kept coming faster and stronger than the one before. They reach a point of intensity where it really takes over your whole body and mind. For me, I completely concentrate on the circular motion of the contraction (starting in the uterus, then traveling up, down and back through the lower back, finishing in the pelvis). The tough part about the circular motion is it doesn't leave one place as it travels into the next. It stays there and builds and builds. The drop through the spine into the lower back and pelvis is so intense that it really is difficult to breath. Inside your mind and body are screaming, but on the outside, I can barely speak. As if the energy to talk would be too much. Once they feel so full body, I kind of check out to the rest of the world and just focus on breathing and my mantra "the pain will go away". Before I knew it, I had a huge and extremely intense need to push coupled with indescribable pain and pressure. It takes over your whole body and while you are still aware of where you are, it's almost as if you're transported somewhere else at the same time. Focusing all of the energy downward and having a huge need to get the baby out, you begin to push. For me, it took 2 very close and strong contractions with 2 pushes (or 1.5 as the doctor said) and that little girl was out!

I was so focused on the pushing that my eyes were closed, and I remember my doctor saying "open your eyes!" just at the moment that she came out. They put her right on my chest and I kept saying "she came out!" over and over. So happy that we'd made it, and so happy to hear her crying and see her so healthy! Delivering the placenta was like a side note to the whole experience. I was so happy and focused on our new baby girl it was no big deal. Mike cut the cord, and they just let us hang out with her. Different from our 2 previous experiences where I felt like they whisked the baby away as soon as they could to measure, weigh and clean them up. At this hospital, they really like you to spend time connecting with baby and it was some time before they ask to take her for the measurements.

After delivery Mike asked me how long I thought it took from the time the nurse checked me to the time that we had the baby. I told him it was easily a half hour to forty five minutes, although it did seem as if the doctor was rushed to get in and I remembered feeling like I needed to tell her I was ready to push sooner than she thought I was going to be ready.

Nope. 10 minutes. That's all it took to go from an 8 to delivery. He told me the doctor had to pretty much run into the room as the nurses scrambled to make sure everything was set up, and then I was pushing. There was no time for chit chat.

The rest of the day was euphoric. It was extremely amazing to have the experience of becoming a parent once again.

It took us about a day to name her. We had about 3-4 names that we'd been throwing around, but once we had a good look at her we knew she was a Tayler. Love the "er" ending - while less common it feels more feminine. And, her middle name Catharine is after my mom.

It's here that I circle back to gratitude. Best shown in a list of all the things I'm so grateful for:

- Mike. He was (and still is) a rock star in support. Spent the whole delivery behind a face mask and then snuck out post-delivery to the nearest insta-clinic to find that he had a sinus and eye infection. Started up on antibiotics, but really didn't get to enjoy holding the baby much while we were at the hospital. Yuck. Seriously bad timing!

- My doctor. So grateful she wanted to set the delivery up this way. Could not have gone smoother, and it was so nice to spend the labor in the hospital instead of mid-scramble with the kids and car trip.

- Our friends and neighbors. I'll probably post about this again, but they have been AMAZING with help. I can't thank them enough for their kindness.

- Tayler. I spent the first night with her hardly able to sleep. She was snoozing like an angel, but I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that we are blessed enough to have another kiddo.

- The two other kiddos Max and Alexis. They've been anticipating her arrival for weeks. Max's typical morning comment during the last week or so was "wow mom, your belly looks bigger. Maybe you'll have a baby today." They came over the next day to see her, and ran into the room with excitement. Max was so wide-eyed and jumped when he saw her. Alexis ran in and said "she came out mom!" They couldn't wait to hold her, and minus a couple of typical 3 year old meltdowns, have been rock stars with the transition thus far. Such awesome helpers.

- The love and support I know we're getting from our family from afar. Thanks you guys.

And, while the fatigue has settled in, and while I feel like I may never feel caught up with anything again, I'm still grateful. For the chance we get to have to go through the course of parenting another kiddo. For the chance we have to enjoy the bigger picture of what things are really about. For the learning experience that will come with Tayler - even though she's #3, she's a #1 in figuring out who she is and what she's about. All of it is extremely tough, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.


The belly during the last week of pregnancy. Not the best "belly" shot, but close enough.

Hero

I've felt a bit grouchy the last couple of days. Mainly because this babe is WAY too low to just sit around and hang out. And, because my doc, myself and everyone else around really thought I was going to go into labor over the weekend. Dilated to a 3, 65% effaced, a +1, with steady contractions, I had the bag packed and was good to go.

Nowhere. Because, babies just don't work to any prediction. And, while reading this, you might think, "jeez you still have a couple weeks left until your due date, why are you so set to go?" You have a point.

While I went early with both #1 and #2, I know that #3 really can and will come whenever she feels like it. But, mentally, I just feel like she should come early. She can't be comfortable sitting in my pelvis, because I know I'm not!

More than anything, I really just hate the unknowns.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a planner. A routine person. A scheduler. I can't help it but to drive myself and everyone around me into some type of a schedule. It's calming for me to know what is happening, when, and how to plan for it.

Which makes this whole limbo phase all the more difficult and frustrating. Will she come out? Yes. Will it work out just fine? I'm sure it will. But since I don't know the when, it doesn't make it any easier.

In my frustration, I decided to run through some photos of the past month and came across these. Sometimes we all need a hero. These two little ones remind me how simple and effortless things need to be. How the joy of things doesn't always come from the routine, but from the unknown. How the unexpected becomes the expected. And, how more than anything, a smile, some love and some faith are really what get us through to the next place. We don't know everything, and we won't have it all figured out, but allowing ourselves to be challenged and to progress really is what life is about.

I'll take their advice. Do some yoga breaths, possibly some superhero poses and embrace these final chunks of time until she decides to make her debut.

34

Sure, I'll get back to the chronological timing of events, but since I'm even on week 34, I thought I'd post about the babe. I am frequently asked "how are you feeling?" by pretty much everyone I come in contact with. And, typically, my response is "good. I feel great."

I really do. Considering stories that I hear left and right about crazy pregnancies (which bytheway come out of the wood works whenever you are pregnant), I really am great. I'm still teaching all of my classes at the gym, and still feel like I can do most everything that I set out to accomplish (minus the fact that I found myself mentally planning out my trips up and down the stairs today in an effort to maximize what I'm taking up/down, and minimize the overall trips). We're actually more prepared as far as "house logistics" (setting up the crib, etc) than we ever have been before, and that's a big relief. I've even started buying diapers. It's my third time going through the process, and in some ways, I know exactly what to expect and what I'm getting myself into.

But, at the same time, I have no clue.

Like, I had no clue that a baby could push quite so much. In every direction. Max was a constant mover in my belly. Alexis, sure she moved, but I'll always remember her as the girl with hiccups. This one has favored the right side of my body for some time (the doctor even chuckled a bit as she measured me and I was clearly bigger on one side of the belly than the other), but has also managed to earn the nickname of pusher. If I had an ultrasound machine at home, I'd be able to take a pic and show you what I mean - but she really takes the length of her body - head (or possibly shoulder) to her foot, and pushes them in opposition as far as she can. Out of nowhere I'll look down and see these huge lumps coming from opposite sides of my belly. Mike didn't fully believe me until one night he actually started to push back (I think on her foot) and she just kept doing it.

Some people say that they can tell the personality of the child from the womb. Which makes me a bit curious (and slightly nervous) as to what we are getting into.

Or, I know how fatiguing a newborn is. I've been there. And, while I absolutely love how tiny they are, I also know how completely exhausting they are at the same time.

But, fatigue coupled with two other little people will be a new unknown. Or, complete chaos as I've been told by so many other moms who don't hesitate to share how it all feels. At least for awhile. (Awhile is defined so differently by so many. I've had some tell me they felt like that until graduation, others seemed to have recovered slightly sooner).

Definitely finding a new normal will take some time. And, at some point my right hip, my ribs and my bladder will recover from all of this action.

One would wonder what all of this is for. And, I'd have to say, that at least for us, when we looked at Max, and then at Alexis, while we know how much work they are, we also knew that we weren't ready to be done with the little person chapter yet. Some days, just seeing how fast Max has grown, and what an amazing guy he is, gets me so excited to start the process again with the next one.

So, when the time comes that babe is screaming with a bright red face, my head hurts from how tired I am, my house looks like a bomb exploded, my belly feels like a bowl full of jelly, and I have nothing figured out for the next 15 minutes of life, I hope a part of me will remember how awesome it really is to feel this babe in my belly. And, that it won't last forever. And, that I just need to take a deep breath and recognize what a miracle and blessing the whole process is.

Then, I'll probably have to hurry off to change yet another diaper.

And, the baby is...

A GIRL!!!

Mike and I went to the ultrasound in the morning (everything looks great!), and then made a pink pancake dinner that night for the kids. Had Max guess who picked the color of pancakes for the night - after going through everyone in the family (including Kermit), we had a long pause, then the light went on, and he said "it's the new baby! it's a girl!"

Maxman is genuinely excited to have another sister. Or as he says "it's because I'm such a good brother to Alexis already. Plus, I won't have to share my legos as much, mom."

Alexis is excited too. Mostly because she sees Max is excited. But, she has a soft spot for the babe - comes up regularly to give the baby a hug, and tell her hello.

Had a blast telling the youth at church that night (I work with the girls ages 12-18 at church. In addition to church, we meet up on a weeknight for an activity together). They'd been waiting to hear and all had their guesses in. We let them cut open a cake (dyed pink) to find out the surprise. Super fun.

We're thrilled!

Big Sis

We're thrilled!

And while Alexis looks cute in this photo, the real guy full of excitement is Max. He talks about it all the time.
February looks like the month we'll find out if we're 3 for 3 on cute little redheads...

The 4th

Celebrating the 4th was super fun.

We had a weekend of swimming, checking out the new Cars movie (actually took both kids with us!), and lots of time outside. Mike was able to enjoy some good bike rides. He's loved getting back in the saddle more regularly, actually riding some longer miles, and has loved the road biking routes! I love that he comes back with new places that we need to go check out with the kids, and that he basically has the bulk of these rural roads along Eastern Minnesota and Western Wisconsin mapped out in his head.

Started out the morning of the 4th with a red, white and blue breakfast!

We headed over to a true small town parade in Afton. Contemplated riding our bikes there (with kids in the bike trailer), but Mike had been out on his ride earlier, and it was actually a pretty hot day so we decided against it. A good thing as there were WAY more people than we would have ever anticipated. We did get there early enough to snag some shade. Not early enough for a first or second seated row, but a perfect spot for people watching prior to the parade start. (Thanks KJ for the shirts! The kids loved them!)

The actual parade was SMALL - no dazzling, big floats or wild entertainment. And super old school - passing out flags, candy and ice pops. It runs on the biggest street in town, but since the town is so small, they actually turn around at the end of the parade route and head back on the other side of the road. If you missed something the first time, you could catch it on the second round. Like the old fire trucks, Port-a-pottys, or pig in the trailer. Loved every minute.

Prior to the 4th, we checked out a few different places that were doing large firework shows. Had intentions to head over to one of them, but, actually stayed at home and watch the neighborhood shows instead.

Wisconsin is to Minnesota as Wyoming is to Utah. The biggest difference is there are no fire-hazard areas and no worries that fields will go up in flames, so there are no "restrictions" when it comes to the actual lighting of illegal fireworks - you just can't buy them here. Never in my life have I seen such large firework shows coming from homes. For three nights straight, we watched shows from our house that reminded me of the Eaglewood firework show when I was in high school (you know, one big firework at a time, with a relatively big finale at the end). We heard some of the "home spun" shows were a collaborative event among many people and were in the price range as high as $2,000 big ones. I don't know that we'll ever see anything quite like it anywhere else.

We got together with our neighbors on the eve of the 4th, and lit off some of the small street fireworks. The kids had such a blast and thought it was the coolest thing ever.

And, then I was tuckered out. Couldn't last that third night late watching fireworks. I even told Mike I felt like we were living in the middle of a war zone as I was trying to go to bed.

Funny enough, a bunch of my neighbors were still awake. The Scouts in our ward started the flag fundraiser a couple holidays ago. They broke out geographically where they deliver and pick up the American Flag on the holiday. They were running a bit late the night of the 4th, and didn't come by to the house until after we'd checked out. Our neighbors saw a SUV of teenage boys stop at our house, take our flag and leave. Not knowing what was happening, and not knowing that this was an organized fundraiser, they called the cops to report the theft. Super grateful that we have awesome neighbors who are so watchful, but it did cause a bit of a mix up, needing some explanation the next day...

She's Here!!

After my last post, I decided it was about time to wake up the hubby and start making some official hospital/Max plans. So, we called my mom, who came to hang out at the house until maxman woke up and then headed out the door. By the time we checked into our room at the hospital, it was about 8:00 and my cervix was dilated to a 7 (10 is the point where you push for delivery). I wanted to try this delivery out natural, a big contrast to the epidural I had with Max at about this same point in labor. So, I bypassed the meds and focused on breath, breath, breath (thank you to pilates and yoga for the last two years that taught me how to internalize and focus on breath and distinct muscles!).

With supportive Mike by my side, I was progressing pretty quick, and the labor and delivery nurse kept popping in to let me know they still hadn't located my Doctor yet (we later found out he was out on his morning run - in the freezing cold!), and was a little slow to receive the page. But, he came in the nick of time - at that point my cervix was a definite 9.5, and moments later I was ready to push. 2 pushes later and at 9:46a.m. cute little Alexis Grace came out - alert, wide-eyed and stinkin' cute. The delivery was completely exhilarating - probably one of the most amazing experiences of my life as my body was filled with pain and adrenaline all at once. And, as soon as she was out, I felt great! The pain already seems like a distant memory. At 6 lb 8oz and 21 inches - she is just a tad lighter and longer than Max (6 lb 9 oz and 20 inches). My body must like that size of babe!

We're doing awesome. Max met Alexis this morning and talked to me on the phone a bit ago asking how the new baby is doing. I think he's going to be an awesome big brother.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering, yep, Alex (that's what we'll call her for short) is already showing a hint of red in her hair, just like her big brother.

Pictures to come soon!

What were YOU doing at 3:00a.m.?

I was folding laundry (max's underwear is probably the cutest).

Then I paid some bills.

Then I took a bath and had a banana.

And, now that it's 4:00, and these contractions still won't let me sleep, I thought I'd post.

I know you're all so jealous.

Still counting...

It's official. I'm more pregnant now than I've ever been (I had Max at 37.5 weeks). My belly has definitely popped out and dropped. And, while most everyone is counting down to Christmas, here's 12 reasons why she might be holding out:

12. She knows I'm actually prepared (with Max, we had barely set up the crib the night before, and I didn't have any of his clothes or bedding washed). So, this time around, I actually didn't procrastinate.

11. My belly is warm and cozy, and it's freezin' outside.

10. There needs to be more snow on the ground before she will arrive.

9. Speaking of snow, she's holding out for a gigantic snowstorm that'll make it impossible to drive anywhere.

8. Pushing against that right hip and pelvis is way way too fun (nevermind that she'll probably come out with a dent in her head!).

7. She wants to make sure she has plenty of fat on that cute body before coming out.

6. She's a little shy.

5. She is afraid of Santa, and wants to avoid seeing him until she's a year old.

4. She wants to see how much more she can stretch out my belly.

3. She has patience and is in no rush to jump into things early.

2. She knows we haven't picked out a name yet (sorry babe, we're waiting till we see what you look like!)

1. She's holding out to be the cutest Christmas present ever.

The Results Are In...

Mike and I went to the ultrasound yesterday, and I must say, I was really impressed with the ultrasound equipment. Maybe it's newer equipment than we had with Max but I just remember looking at the screen thinking "I only see black and white blotches everywhere."

But this was totally different. We saw the spine, the bones, the skull - eye sockets and everything, a cool profile of the little face, all ten fingers wiggling around, both sides of the brain, and even the kidneys when she pointed them out. I was really surprised. And, of course, we saw the really exciting part....

it's a little girl!!!

(okay, so she said she was 95% sure it was a girl, so I guess for you boy voters there could still be a chance down the road. A pretty small one though....the doctor said that this ultrasound reading lady (sorry, I don't know her official title), has never guessed wrong!)

The little cutie is right on track for a December 27th due date (Merry Christmas!) and is currently 7 oz. Everything looks healthy and well, and to my relief, there's still only one in there (sorry Rob!).

BIG Changes

#1 We already have our Christmas/New Year's present - baby #2 is on the way!!! These past few weeks have been pretty rough or as Mike says, "this one is really kicking your butt!" Honest, yes. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me feel any better! Max is pretty funny. I've been telling him there's a baby in my belly, and today, he saw a baby at church, points to her, says, "baby!" and pats his tummy. So, right now, I think he thinks we all have babies in our bellies....

#2 Growing family = need for more space. So, a few weeks ago, we stuck a sign out on our front lawn to see if we'd luck out with a for sale by owner. And, less than one month later, we're under contract! Which means, July will be here before we know it and we're moving out! We're still trying to find a house to move into.....ack!! Any suggestions??!?!